


Artificial

by WoodlandAsh



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: Androids, Kawoshin - Freeform, M/M, Robots, So yeah, kaworu's a robot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-05-05 07:33:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5366678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoodlandAsh/pseuds/WoodlandAsh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When his father's strange company, NERV, contacts Shinji to test an artificially intelligent android, Shinji finds himself deep in a web of secrets and a bizarre romance. Loosely based off of Ex Machina.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Contact

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to put this fanfiction here forever! I don't really have much to say about it right now, except that its plot is pretty heavy. I hope you enjoy!

“Shinji Ikari.”  


Shinji froze in his footsteps, causing multiple people to bump into his back and grumble at him on the busy city street. He didn’t recognize the voice behind him.  


“Shinji Ikari?” The mystery woman tried again, this time a little less sure of herself. Shinji turned around to face a young woman, her face seemed kind and she looked visibly relieved when he turned around. Shinji furrowed his brow, _I don’t recognize this lady_.  


“Um, yes?” He glanced around nervously. She must have the wrong person. Despite the fact that she was looking directly at him and called out his name. A sea of people continued to steadily move past the two of them. “I’m sorry…do I know you?”  


“Are you busy?” The woman asked, taking a step toward him. It wasn’t threatening or anything but Shinji couldn’t help but flinch back. _What does she want?_  


“I’m-I’m on my way to school…”  


“Great, so you’re free then.” She excitedly grasped Shinji’s wrist and tugged him in her direction, all while spinning around and nearly skipping away. “Your father sent me for you.”  


_Father?_ Shinji’s eyes widened and he tried to pull his arm away but couldn’t against the woman’s grip. “Hey, wait, my father? I don’t even know you! 

Who are you? Where are we going?!” 

***

The car bumped along the small cracks in the cement road, bubbly pop music flowed softly from the speakers. They were on the outskirts of the city now and traffic was thin. The woman driving, Misato Katsuragi, tapped a polished finger to the beat distractedly. Shinji tugged on his seat belt as if it were constricting him and looked out the window. Apparently she really had been sent for him by his father, but she refused to tell him for what exactly until they got to where they needed to be.  


_Misato said something about NERV._  


The company was like a distant relative to Shinji. He vaguely remembered it while not remembering it at the same time. _Like father._  


“Ms. Katsuragi—”  


“Misato’s fine.”  


…. Misato…I think I should call the school to tell them I won’t be coming…”  


Don’t worry, we’ve already taken care of it.” She chirped, taking a sudden harsh turn onto a road that was mostly hidden by thick greenery. Shinji knocked his head against the window.  


"Ah!” He rubbed at the bump forming on the side of his head. “Then what about my guardians, they should know—”  


"Again, don’t worry about it, NERV will take care of everything.” Misato pressed on the gas and the car lurched forward. _Why can’t she tell me anything?_

Shinji thought in frustration.  


The road from here was a lot bumpier and Shinji was surprised that they didn’t crash. In fact, he didn’t understand how Misato saw the road at all. Tree roots and weeds sprouted from the thinnest cracks, shrouding the concrete in foliage.  


Eventually they came upon a dirt road that was even harder to spot than the one they were on. Misato slowed the car to a more tolerable speed before turning. 

There was a tunnel over-grown with ivy at the end of it. Shinji’s heart began to pound in his chest as they drove into it.  


Misato parked, and for a moment everything was pitch black and silent. Shinji quietly wondered if his life was in danger. The moment he seized the seat belt the car suddenly lurched and they were sinking into the ground. Shinji froze, his shaking hands releasing the seat belt as he sat back. _What is this?_  


The car was being lowered like it was on some kind of giant elevator. Bright lights lined the metal shoot they were being carried down. It was narrow, and Shinji didn’t see much past the lights aside for walls that were lined with millions of thick wires. Misato dug through her pocket and took out an ID. It had her picture in the corner and NERV printed boldly at the top. The rest of the ID was filled with some personal information. She had showed the ID to Shinji before he’d gotten into the car with her.  


Eventually they reached bottom and all movement stopped. Misato got out of the car and patiently waited for Shinji to do the same. Shinji still couldn’t see much of where they were as he got out. He looked up to see sunlight impossibly high up. Misato pressed her card to a small rectangular object protruding out of the wall. A door that Shinji never noticed slid open then, to reveal a brightly lit corridor.  


A girl was standing there waiting for them.  


She looked to be about Shinji’s age, but Shinji had never seen someone that looked quite like her. Her eyes were red, hair a strange pale blue color, and skin white as milk. And her expression looked as blank as a slate. Misato barely regarded the strange girl as she turned back to Shinji. “You coming, or are you just going to stand there ogling?” She teased. Shinji blushed furiously and followed her into the corridor.  


The halls were long, and lined with so many doors that Shinji didn’t understand how a room could possibly be behind all of them. Almost every single one had that strange rectangle outside of it that he’d seen Misato press her card to, and none of them had any door knobs. People walked around in white lab coats with NERV written on a square breast pocket. They all had their own IDs clipped to their shirts. They paid the trio very little attention as most of them looked like they were rushing off somewhere or going over extensive documents. The walls were bare except for the occasional poster. NERV: leading the world into a smarter future they all read.  


The girl leading them walked stiffly but swiftly. She hadn’t said a word since he’d seen her. Shinji couldn’t help but be curious. _What’s a girl my age working here for?_  


Eventually, they came to a door that had CONFERENCE ROOM printed into its middle. It was the only thing that separated it from every other one.  


“He is waiting for you in here.” The girl said, pressing her finger to what Shinji now called the “rectangle-thing”. It blinked green, and Shinji wondered why the girl didn’t have a card. The door slid open and Shinji stood frozen.  


Misato urged him inside gently, tugging on his wrist again to get him inside. “Thank you, Rei.” She said, and the door slid closed behind them.  
The conference room looked like…well…a conference room. The walls were plain and there was a big round table in the center lined with rolling black chairs. At the head of the table sat a man, his hands neatly folded in front of his face.  


_Father._  


“Shinji.” Gendo Ikari said. “Take a seat.” 

***

It was hard to believe they were going even further underground. The elevator was silent and awkward because it was just him and Rei. Shinji didn’t have enough energy to try and start a conversation with her, and she didn’t seem all that interested anyway. He was still reeling from the encounter with his father.  


_“You abandoned me, why should I do anything for you!?”_ The anger and tears had come out of nowhere. He trembled so hard he thought he might fall over. Misato watched from the side uncomfortably, her expression soft and sad.  


Yet, despite that, here Shinji was. Doing what his father had asked. _It’s because I’m weak._  


_AI…Artificial Intelligence…does such a thing even exist?_  


Gendo didn’t seem fazed by Shinji’s breakdown. In fact, he completely ignored it. _“You will interact with TABRIS, an AI created by NERV.”_  


TABRIS was apparently some kind of artificially intelligent android… _or something_ …that was in the last stages of being developed. The only thing it needed was to be socialized and recorded in its interactions with a human. Their interactions would be watched and recorded for data.  


_I don’t understand why they need me._ Shinji thought. _Can’t anyone do this?_ He glanced at Rei, who was staring blankly at the elevator’s door. 

“We are here.” She said, her voice was clipped but soft.  


The elevator stopped and slid open. This hall was a lot different from the busy one above them. It was dimly lit, and there were only two doors on opposite sides of the hall. One was labeled TABRIS. Rei pressed her finger to the access pad.  


Shinji stepped into a tiny box of a room with a chair right in the center. It was facing a glass wall, something that reminded Shinji of an aquarium. But, on the other side was a bedroom. There was a neatly made bed, a book shelf, a desk, and a dresser. There was a small hallway that led to somewhere Shinji couldn’t see. 

The room looked like a display one would see in a furniture store. It didn’t look lived in. Rei had closed the door behind him and he was alone.  
The first thing Shinji heard was music.  


_Ode to Joy_ …Shinji realized. The piano music seeped through the glass, it was beautiful…there must be a music player in one of the rooms Shinji couldn’t see. Shinji glanced at the camera in the corner of the room. Was he supposed to just start talking? _Um_ …He reached out and tapped the glass with a nervous hand. The music immediately cut off.  


A figure appeared in the hall on the other side of the glass. Shinji’s heart nearly stopped in his chest. _Is that…?_ The figure seemed to hesitate only for a moment before walking forward into the light of the bedroom.  


It was…a boy. He looks like Rei. His eyes were red, skin pale, and hair a pale silver…almost as white as his skin. There was something unsettling about his perfectly symmetrical face and long elegant body. _He looks…fake_. Despite the elegance of the boy in front of him, Shinji couldn’t help but notice how artificial he was. _Maybe he doesn’t look so much like Rei._ Where Rei’s expression was blank, this boy’s seemed to analyze everything. Eyes darted over Shinji’s face and a smile immediately spread over his thin lips. He started walking forward in a strange too-fluid gate.  


“A-Are you TABRIS?” Shinji squeaked, his voice suddenly lost. _How could someone make something like this?_  


“Yes.” TABRIS replied, his voice was silky and smooth. He’d grabbed his desk chair and mechanically placed it across from Shinji. There was just a thin piece of glass between them now. Shinji couldn’t stop staring at the…thing…sitting in front of him. Shinji wracked his brain for something to say, but he could only gaze in disbelief.  


“Actually,” TABRIS suddenly said, his head tilting slightly to the side, “I am part of the TABRIS series.”  


“TABRIS series?” Shinji pulled at his school shirt uncomfortably. It was strange. He was usually shy around other people, but the AI in front of him wasn’t really a person…yet he was just as shy as usual. “S-So there are more of…you?”  


“I do not know.” A pause to think, and then, “I call myself Kaworu. I picked my name.”  


“You p-picked it?”  


“Yes.”  


Shinji peeked at the camera in the corner of the room again, wondering how many people were watching and scribbling his habits on a thick notebook.  


“I’m Shinji.” He mumbled, shyly meeting TABRI—Kaworu’s gaze. It was too intense, too focused, like it was sucking up every observation it could possibly make.  


“Shinji.” Kaworu repeated, a smile stretching his lips again. “I like that name, maybe I will pick that name instead.”  


“What?” Shinji’s face brightened in embarrassment. He flapped his hands around. “No—no I think you should keep your name.”  


“Okay.”  


They lapsed into more awkward silence. Well, Shinji felt awkward, but Kaworu probably didn’t have the capacity to feel that.  


“You are nervous.” Kaworu suddenly said.  


“It’s just hot in here.” Shinji shot back, defending the little dignity he had.  


“You are lying.” Kaworu replied. “Humans wear their feelings on their faces to better communicate with one another.” Shinji didn’t really have a response to that. Instead, he looked to the camera in the corner of the room for the millionth time. Kaworu’s gaze followed his before quickly returning to Shinji’s face.  


“You are the first visitor I have ever had.” He said, grabbing the boy’s attention again. Shinji pursed his lips, folding his hands in his lap to try and stop their nervous fidgeting.  


“I am? That must be lonely.” Shinji laughed nervously.  


“Loneliness is strictly a human experience.”  


“So you’re never lonely?” Shinji frowned.  


“No.” Kaworu tilted his head to the side, and Shinji was painfully aware of his eyes analyzing Shinji’s face. “Are you lonely?”  


“No. I’m around people all the time.” Shinji scratched at his neck as another disquieting smile touched Kaworu’s face.  


_What’s with that smile?_ “What is it?” Shinji asked, his cheeks heating up.  


“I think we should be friends.” Kaworu said, his voice rang like wind chimes. Shinji bunched the fabric of his pants in his hands. He tried to offer Kaworu a smile back in return but he’s sure it looked awkward and lopsided in comparison.  
“

M-Maybe.”  


The door slid open and Rei stepped through. Shinji stood up, getting the impression his time was done here. Kaworu looked at Rei with a strange expression before standing up. He gave Shinji one last curious look before disappearing completely from the room.  


The music started back up again.  


_Is Rei also_ …Shinji glanced at the girl. They were back in the elevator. She looked like Kaworu, but they were completely different in movement and nature. There was something almost predatory about Kaworu. Predatory and unsettling. Rei was mechanical in comparison, but although her expression was stiff, Shinji thought she could be soft and delicate if given the chance.  


But he didn’t like this. He didn’t even know what was going on, what NERV was…what his father was up to. He’d made up his mind by the time they reached the top floor.  


_I will not be coming back here after today._


	2. Questions

Shinji still didn’t understand how he ended up here again. Actually, he didn’t understand how any of the recent events of his life even made sense. Shinji fiddled with the ID clipped to his school shirt. NERV had somehow managed to get one made for him by the end of his first trip to the complex. 

“This way.” Rei motioned for Shinji to get into the elevator with her. 

_I still don’t understand what I’m doing here._ He thought sadly as he stared at Rei from the corner of his eye. _And I still don’t get what her deal is._ Was she like Kaworu? 

Although Shinji had been to NERV a couple of times now, he hadn’t seen Kaworu since the first time. He’d been brought back to do random physical tests, answer dull questions about his life, and do some kind of computer “brain games”. _I haven’t seen father again either…_ for that, Shinji was grateful. 

Still, the last thing he wanted to do was return to NERV headquarters after his strange experience. Yet now Shinji found himself not only returning, but living with Misato. After a weird chain of circumstances and strings the secretive company pulled, Shinji found it easier to just stop fighting it. _Besides, all I have to do is talk to a robot._

Although, he had to admit living with Misato took some getting used to. Her small apartment looked like a hoarder’s paradise and definitely wasn’t ready for a guest to move in. Shinji never saw so many empty beer cans in his life; he could probably build an entire separate apartment with all of them. Luckily he didn’t have much stuff so moving into his tiny room proved less difficult than originally planned. Misato wasn’t too bad either. Sometimes she was hard to deal with since she had less issues with personal space than Shinji, but over all she was nice. She also took her job very seriously. Shinji would often wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and find her up at the dining table with multiple files and documents spread out before her. 

However, despite his new living arrangements and the times he visited NERV, Shinji was no closer knowing anything about the company than he had been since day one. 

“Hey, Rei,” Shinji suddenly blurted, causing the girl to rip her focused gaze from the back of the elevator door, “do you live here?” She seemed to consider his question before answering, 

“Yes. I live here.” Rei replied. The elevator came to a halt and the door slid open. 

“A-Are you…” Shinji hesitated, “…are you like Kaworu?” 

“TABRIS.” Her eyes suddenly flashed, sharp and focused. 

“Uh-yes, TABRIS.” Shinji mumbled as he began to exit the elevator. It didn’t seem like Rei was going to lead him this time since she made no indication of movement. 

“No.” She said. “We are not the same.” 

Shinji turned just as the elevator’s door was closing. Their eyes connected, and they stood in silence until the door finally slipped shut. He was alone. 

The stark contrast between this section of NERV and the one above was still enough to make Shinji uneasy. The lights down here were dull, and not a single employee wandered the halls. Only a door labeled TABRIS gave any indication of what could be hidden down here. Shinji held his ID card in his sweaty palm. 

The room across Kaworu’s was still a mystery. _There’s not even an access pad to it…_ Shinji noticed. _It must be a closet or something,_ he dismissed, pressing his card to the pad. To his surprise, it blinked green and opened. _I guess I’m in the system._

Everything looked like it had the first time Shinji was here…except a giant crack in the glass. It reminded Shinji of a spider web, the way it was tightly crunched together in the center and then spread through the surrounding glass like bolts of frozen lightning. With a trembling hand Shinji reached out and touched it. The glass on his side was still smooth, which meant it was broken from the other side. 

Piano music had been filling the room with an eerily cheery tone. It was just like last time, except Shinji didn’t recognize the song. He sat stiffly in the chair, his eyes continuously shifting to the shattered glass. _Do I just call out to him?_

“Kaworu?” Shinji’s voice came out a lot higher than he’d like to admit. 

The music stopped. 

Kaworu appeared in the hall, looking almost like a ghost. His eyes flashed to Shinji’s face with the same hungry focus they did before. Shinji had almost forgotten how bizarre the other moved as Kaworu walked forward with that disquieting smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

“Shinji.” He said pleasantly, placing his desk chair where it had been before. “I was wondering if we would ever talk again.” 

Shinji kept his hands folded neatly in his lap in order to keep them from fidgeting. To his surprise, he saw Kaworu mimic the same position. “Um yeah,” Shinji mumbled, feeling uncomfortable under Kaworu’s gaze, “I think I’ll be coming back a lot…” He already knew he was too much of a coward to ignore NERV’s persistence. 

Kaworu’s smile somehow stretched wider. “I am glad. I have spent a lot of time thinking about you.” 

Shinji released a strangled sound somewhere between embarrassment and surprise. He knew his face must be glowing red in the dim lighting. Kaworu seemed amused by this. 

“You-You don’t just tell people you just met that kind of stuff.” Shinji chuckled, nervously trying to laugh his embarrassment away. 

Tilting his head to the side, Kaworu inquired, “No?” 

“No…you keep that to yourself.” Kaworu looked like he was learning about the discovery of life on another planet rather than just a simple piece of social etiquette. 

“Okay.” Kaworu said after a moment. They lapsed into silence then, and the robot seemed too content to just stare quietly at Shinji for Shinji not to feel awkward. 

_What do I say…he’s just staring at me?_ Shinji tapped an uneasy beat against his leg, _Ah! That’s right…_

“Do you have a music player in the other room?” He questioned. 

“No.” Kawory answered, but his expression seemed to brighten. “I have a piano. I quite enjoy playing it.” 

“What?” Shinji didn’t bother to keep the amazement from seeping into his voice. “That was you? You can play the piano?” 

“Yes. I think music is one of the highest achievements of mankind.” Kaworu leaned forward to the point where his breath would have fogged up the glass. _Except he doesn’t have any_ , Shinji realized with a start. “Do you agree?” 

Shinji leaned away from the clear barrier separating them. “Uh-Um,” he blinked, “yeah…yes I think so.” 

“Do you play any instruments, Shinji?” Kaworu asked, still disturbingly close to the glass. 

“I played cello a long time ago…but I wasn’t nearly as good as—” 

“Cello.” Kaworu hummed, finally leaning back and adopting a more relaxed position. Shinji relaxed slightly too. “I would like to learn cello someday.” For the first time since Shinji got here Kaworu’s focus left him instead to look at the camera. His attention only stayed there momentarily before he turned back to Shinji. “Maybe you can teach me cello and I will teach you piano.” He suggested. 

Eyes widening, Shinji felt his face heat up again. It was such a normal request. _But I could never…_ “I-I don’t know if I’m good enough to teach cello, it’s been really long since I’ve played it…” 

“It is okay, I am a fast learner, I am sure you would be an excellent teacher, Shinji.” Kaworu offered him another smile, but this one seemed less predatory and artificial. The kind words threw Shinji off guard, he wasn’t used to getting compliments. Usually he’d just dismiss them and say something self deprecating back. 

But this time he smiled. 

*** 

Shinji lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Kaworu smiling at him brightly, so focused on him. No one had ever seemed that focused on him…not ever. But then again, it was hard not to be nice to the only person you had contact with. The hardest thing to wrap his head around was the fact that Kaworu was just a machine. _How could a machine smile like that and be so nice?_ It was all so confusing. 

A clang from outside his room caused Shinji to sit up. The light from the living room glowed faintly from the hall. Shinji got up to check if everything was okay, Misato always worked herself into exhaustion during this time of the night. 

Sure enough, she was on the couch, head back and mouth open as she snored loudly. Her hand hung limply from the cushioned arm and an empty wine glass was laying on the floor directly under it. Shinji sighed, making his way to the small living room and picking up the offending glass. There were papers all over the couch and Misato’s lap. One in particular caught his attention. 

_TABRIS_ was written in Misato’s large sloppy handwriting in the margins of a document filled with tiny text. A red line was drawn connecting TABRIS to another sloppily written word: _SEELE_. After it was three question marks. 

_What is SEELE?_ Shinji wondered, scrunching his brow. He leaned down to get a better look at the document but Misato suddenly flinched awake. 

“Shinji!” She gasped, and only then did Shinji notice he was practically in her lap trying to read what the form said. He was flooded with embarrassment immediately. 

“No! I was just picking this up!” He cried, waving the wine glass erratically in the air. Misato raised an eyebrow as if she didn’t believe him. Nearly jumping away, Shinji put some space between him and the woman. 

“If you were any other boy I might have been worried.” She sighed, trying to dispel the awkwardness. “But I could kick your ass if you try anything funny, you hear me?” 

“Yes ma’am!” Shinji completely believed her. 

But still, he wondered what kind of things Misato was researching, and what Kaworu and SEELE really were.


	3. First Touch

“Have you ever left your room?” Shinji blurted one visit. Kaworu was sitting attentively in his desk chair like he always was. 

“No.” Kaworu answered after a pause. “But, a long time ago, when I was created…I remember being in a different room very similar to this one.” 

“Where?” Shinji asked, leaning in from his chair, like he was exchanging secrets in a school classroom. 

Kaworu simply smiled, his eyes never leaving Shinji. “I am afraid I do not remember.” He said. 

“Oh.” Shinji relaxed a little and tapped his finger against his pant leg. “Do you think you’ll ever get to leave?” He hoped so, Kaworu always seemed so curious about what the world was like outside of this strange company’s walls. He’d often ask Shinji about school, or what his new awkward living situation was like. Shinji was a little perplexed at how interested Kaworu seemed in his life. The only thing that was remotely exhilarating was coming to NERV, but aside from that Shinji couldn’t provide Kaworu with much excitement. 

Despite this, the two developed a strange friendship. Shinji found himself looking forward to seeing Kaworu. No one had ever been so invested in him before, and Shinji would be lying to himself if he said it didn’t feel nice. Sometimes he’d think about what it would be like if Kaworu didn’t have to be stuck in NERV headquarters. They could walk to school together and sit next to each other in class. But then Shinji would suddenly remember Kaworu wasn’t human. _It’s so easy to forget._

“Maybe someday.” Kaworu murmured, the same lazy smile touching his lips. 

“What would you do? If you could leave.” 

“I would like to follow you around.” The AI answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Shinji bristled in embarrassment. 

“You can’t just follow people around!” He found himself laughing. “People would think you’re a stalker.” 

“I would ask you first then.” 

“Still,” Shinji shook his head, “you can’t just ask someone if you can follow them around.” 

Kaworu tilted his head in the way that he did whenever learning a new piece of human information. 

“So I would ask to spend time with you.” He said after a while. Shinji smiled and nodded his head in approval. The two sat together in amiable silence when the lights suddenly cut out. Immediately the tiny room was swarmed with darkness, and Shinji couldn’t even see his hand in front of his own face. _What is this? Is the power out?_

“H-Hello?” Shinji stood up from his chair, feeling off-balance with no sense of direction. The darkness made Shinji panic and he tripped over the chair trying to find his way to the door. 

“Are you alright?” He heard Kaworu calmly asked. _He must have heard me fall._

“Y-Yes, I think the power’s out.” Shinji tried to compose his nerves as he stood back up. The lights came back on as fast as they had gone out. 

_“Power malfunction currently under investigation, back up generators activated.”_ A steady female voice announced over NERV’S PA system. Shinji turned around to see Kaworu still sitting in his chair. 

“When the power goes off like that,” Kaworu said, “they can not hear us.” His red eyes flickered to the camera, and Shinji followed it to see that the light that usually meant the device was recording wasn’t on. He looked back to Kaworu startled. 

Kaworu placed a pale hand flat against the glass and smiled, it was different than most of his smiles. _It looks sad._

A small beep sounded and the camera’s light turned back on. 

Shinji couldn’t help but remember the large crack that still resided in the clear wall’s surface. 

*** 

“Misato,” Shinji mumbled with his head leaning lazily against the passenger’s window, “what does NERV need with something like Kaworu?” 

“I already told you, it’s classified.” Misato replied, taking a sharp turn back onto the main road. It was a response Shinji was used to hearing. “I know you’ve befriended…him,” Misato said after a pause, “but TABRIS isn’t a person, Shinji, we can’t just let a highly intelligent android wander around Tokyo.” 

“I know.” Shinji sighed. “So you’ve been listening?” 

“That’s why you were brought to NERV.” 

_And I still don’t get it! It has to do with my father._ Shinji thought bitterly. He was still no closer to understanding the strange company and its CEO, but he did learn something that he’d been keeping to himself. _Misato doesn’t know much about Kaworu either…_ he was sure of it, otherwise she wouldn’t stay up so late digging into documents labeled TABRIS. But why would NERV keep a secret about its own product from its employees? 

The image of Kaworu sadly smiling at the pane of glass between them was an image Shinji wished he could forget. _Kaworu said he couldn’t feel lonely._ Shinji reminded himself, trying to lighten his mood. 

_But maybe that’s because he’s never had the chance to._

*** 

“Hey, Rei, where are we going?” Shinji rushed to keep up with the girl as they passed the usual elevator they took down to Kaworu. 

“A different way.” She said, not even glancing back to make sure Shinji could keep up. _She walks so fast…_

“But why—” 

“Your father.” 

Shinji stopped. He furrowed his brows and frowned. Rei slowed as well, sensing Shinji was no longer following her as she turned to face him. Employees were milling about the halls interested in whatever business they had going on. 

“My father?” The venom was impossible to hide from Shinji’s voice. “What does he want?” 

“He wants you to make contact.” Rei replied patiently, waiting for Shinji to come join her. _Contact?_ “Contact with TABRIS.” She clarified, as if she could read his mind. 

“I don’t understand, isn’t that what I’ve been doing?” 

“There will be no walls this time.” 

_No walls…_ Shinji felt his stomach drop. Shinji had enjoyed his time with Kaworu, the other was nice and always liked to know about his life but…there was still that predatory underlying quality to Kaworu that Shinji remembered the first time they had encountered each other. He’d been day dreaming about what it’d be like to hang out with Kaworu without a clear boarder separating them, but now that the opportunity presented itself, Shinji found himself nervous. 

“Is that safe?” Shinji squeaked, hating how his palms sweat. 

“Safe?” 

“Y-yes! How can you know what Kaworu will do? I-I saw the glass! Father thinks he can just push me around and shove me where ever he—” Rei walked forward and her hand flashed so fast Shinji never saw it grab onto his own. Her skin was warm and her grip was gentle, like a warm memory. 

“It is safe.” She said, and for a moment her eyes were just as intense as Kaworu’s. Shinji was silent, his mind a garbled mess as Rei tugged him to walk forward and continue down the hall. She dropped his hand once she knew he was following her. 

They eventually got to an elevator on the opposite side of the complex that Rei needed to activate by pressing her finger against the access pad. The ride down was just as long and awkward as it usually was, but this time Shinji’s stomach felt like it was doing back flips inside of him. 

“Are there cameras?” He found himself wondering as the elevator doors opened. 

“Yes.” Rei stepped out as Shinji reached for his ID. She noticed the movement and shook her head. “Your card will not work here.” 

Instead of another hall the elevator had opened to a tiny room with a door right across from it. The door was heavy and metal, TABRIS ENTRY was engraved in the center. Shinji swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“I don’t think I can do this.” He whimpered, despite walking up to the door. It clinked and a thousand locks sounded as though they were being undone at once before it slid open. 

“You will be safe.” Rei assured as Shinji stepped through the threshold. The door shut immediately behind him. 

Shinji was in a box with tiled floors and metal walls. The lights above him were florescent and harsh. He couldn’t even look up at the ceiling without squinting. Off to his right was a thin hall that looked like it led into another room. Shinji took a hesitant step toward it. “Kaworu? It’s me, Shinji.” Shinji felt his heart beating in his throat. 

As silent as a ghost, Kaworu appeared at the end of the small hall. 

Kaworu’s strange fluid movements were even more perplexing without a barrier. He nearly danced his way to Shinji, and Shinji found himself taking a startled step back. 

“Shinji?” For the first time Kaworu sounded surprised. Shinji froze up at the proximity between them, Kaworu nearly pressed himself against Shinji’s front as he stared at the boy in disbelief. _He’s a few inches taller than me,_ Shinji noticed. 

“Kaworu,” Shinji wedged his hands between his and the other’s chest, taking another step back, “you’re too close.” His back bumped against the heavy metal door. Kaworu’s eyes drank up every detail of Shinji before he tilted his head slightly. A smile touched his mouth in sudden understanding. 

“Oh. I am sorry, I have forgotten my manners, I am just surprised to see you this way.” The smile he offered Shinji was so warm and kind that Shinji felt guilty of being so afraid earlier. _How could I ever be scared of Kaworu?_

“My-My father wanted me to…” at a loss for words Shinji simply gestured at the room around him and hoped he could keep it at that. The android seemed to ponder this for a second before nodding. 

The metal was cool against Shinji’s back, and he was painfully aware of how awkward this whole thing was. Like usual, Kaworu didn’t seem to notice, he was too busy looking at Shinji in that hyper focused way he always did. _If I don’t do something, he’ll just stand there and stare at me all day._

“Um,” Shinji scratched the back of his head, “this is where you live?” 

“Yes.” Kaworu said. “Ah, would you like me to show you around? That is something humans do for their guests.” Kaworu waited for Shinji to nod before gracefully turning around to walk down the short hall he came from. After a moments hesitation Shinji followed. 

The next room they entered was a lot like the first one. It was small with tile floor and bare walls, but it was cluttered with metal tables filled with wires, notepads, and strange pieces of tech Shinji had never seen before. Kaworu didn’t seem particularly interested in this room as he didn’t even stop as he explained, 

“This is my testing room, it holds nothing interesting.” _Testing room?_ But Kaworu had already turned another right corner. “This room is my favorite.” His voice floated from the adjacent chamber, and Shinji gasped. 

The walls and floor were once again nothing special, but in the middle of the room was a gleaming black grand piano. It held nothing else but for a bench and some sheet music. Kaworu was standing before the shining white keys, an equally white finger pressing absently at one of them. The note echoed through the empty corridors. Shinji didn’t even want to touch it; afraid his fingers would smudge the perfection. 

“Magnificent, isn’t it? Truly mankind’s greatest invention.” 

“It’s amazing.” Shinji stood next to Kaworu, catching his reflection in the gleaming surface. 

“Would you like to play it?” Kaworu inquired, pressing another key. Shinji bit his lip. 

“Ah-no, I don’t know how.” 

“You have played the cello.” 

“That’s not the same thing.” 

“I see.” Kaworu took a seat on the bench. “I can teach you.” Shinji sat beside the other, the tour suddenly forgotten. 

“I don’t even want to touch it.” Shinji admitted. “It’s so perfect.” 

“A well loved piano should have a lot of finger prints on it, do you not think so?” Kaworu smiled, playing a quick melody. His eyes never left Shinji but his fingers moved across the piano with such confidence and beauty Shinji couldn’t help but smile too. He reached out awkwardly and pressed down on a random note, it rang loud and high. 

“I-I do remember from school,” Shinji murmured, placing three fingers on the piano, “we learned this song…’hot cross buns’.” He then proceeded to press the three keys in an order that they made a choppy but recognizable melody. Kaworu seemed endlessly amused by this. So much so that he reproduced the short song in a lower key. 

“And so you have taught me something new.” He chuckled. 

“I guess so.” Shinji laughed back, staring at his hands. He then proceeded to poke at different keys, not really making any music, just putting random things together. Kaworu seemed just fine watching Shinji do this and time passed slow but enjoyably. 

“Shinji.” Kaworu said after a long while. 

“Hm?” Shinji looked up from his hands to see Kaworu staring at him with an odd expression. 

“What does it feel like?” 

“What?” Shinji raised an eyebrow. 

“The piano. What do the keys feel like?” 

The keys? “Um,” Shinji glanced down and rubbed at the surface of one of them with his finger, “I don’t know…smooth I guess…” He continued the action and Kaworu watched with his usual attentiveness. “Can you not feel them?” Shinji asked, the thought had never occurred to him. To be able to touch something but not really touch it. Like constantly wearing a pair of gloves. 

“They feel the same as wood, glass, and metal.” Kaworu said, poking a note. “If I closed my eyes I would not be able to distinguish which is which.” He played “hot cross buns” but the short tune somehow felt hollow. “Can I touch your hand?” Kaworu asked after playing the short melody. 

Shinji felt the blood rise to his cheeks in embarrassment. Shinji simply held out his hand palm up and Kaworu took it gingerly, as if it were made of glass. Kaworu’s skin was smooth, smooth to the point where it felt rubbery. He ran his thumbs over the ridges of Shinji’s palm and leaned down to inspect the pattern on the end of each finger. 

“Incredible.” Kaworu murmured, like he was examining a precious stone. 

_Kaworu’s hands aren’t warm or cold_ , Shinji noticed. He could feel the harsh skeleton directly under the thin layer of pale skin. And in that moment, with his sweaty hand in the other’s unfeeling mechanical grip, Kaworu had never seemed more human.


	4. SEELE

“Um, Kaworu?” Shinji’s hand twitched from where it was still being cradled in Kaworu’s grip. Kaworu would have gladly sat on the piano bench to squeeze and observe Shinji’s hand all day if the boy didn’t finally tug it away. 

“S-Sorry,” Shinji apologized meekly when Kaworu looked up, “I—” He didn’t really have an appropriate reason for pulling his hand back. _Unless I told him I was getting uncomfortable,_ and Shinji didn’t want to bother Kaworu with that. Although, based off the look Kaworu gave him, he guessed the other already knew. So he left the silence undisturbed. 

Until the lights went out. 

_What? Again?_ Shinji flinched, disoriented by the sudden darkness. 

“It appears as though the power has shut down again.” Kaworu’s voice floated through the blackness like a calm song. 

Shinji shifted uncomfortably on the piano bench, unsure if he should stay sitting or stand. “Does-does this happen a lot?” Shinji ultimately stayed where he was. If this was anything like last time, the power should come back in a few minutes. 

“No.” Kaworu replied, and a subtle red glow just barely illuminated the portion of the piano the two were sitting at. Shinji jerked in surprise when he realized the light was coming from Kaworu’s eyes. The other offered him a smile, but it ended up looking eerie rather than comforting. Kaworu’s bight eyes caused stark shadows to form against the plains of his angular face and his pale exterior was awash in red light. 

_Your eyes glow,_ Shinji wanted to say, but instead he asked, “I-it doesn’t?” 

“No.” Kaworu answered again, turning his attention back to the piano and playing a quick melody. “I imagine one would have to meddle with the power grid in order to make it malfunction more than once so close together.” His fingers glided over the keys like slim ghosts. 

_What is he saying?_ “Why would someone do that?” Shinji murmured, and Kaworu’s glowing eyes snapped up and locked on his with such intensity the boy flinched and had to look away. 

“Shinji,” Kaworu’s voice was soft and gentle, “do you consider us to be friends?” 

The brunette’s gaze shifted back to Kaworu warily. “Yes.” He said, not even having to pause and consider the question. Despite the strange circumstance of their relationship, Kaworu was the closest thing Shinji had to a friend. 

“Then it is customary for humans to consider their friends’ advice, is it not?” 

“Yes?” Shinji raised his eyebrows, unsure of where Kaworu was going. 

“You should not be involved with NERV.” Kaworu said quietly. His hands were frozen over the piano keys, so still they could have been made of stone. “If I were more selfish perhaps I would not try and discourage you from coming here.” Kaworu paused as if unsure how to articulate his next sentence. “However, I have found myself caring deeply for you and believe it would be in your best interest if you do not engage yourself with the events that happen here.” 

Shinji’s racing thoughts stopped as though they suddenly slammed into a blank wall. He could feel blood rising to his cheeks and his pulse jolt. _Kaworu…_ Shinji was unable to properly digest the information the other had given him. Instead, _caring deeply for you,_ played over and over in his head like a broken record. No one had ever said that to him. 

No one had admitted to caring for him. 

Shinji finally opened his mouth to respond—but the lights suddenly flickered back on and the same announcement that alerted NERV from last time played. Blinking, Kaworu’s eyes were no longer glowing and he turned his attention back to the instrument in front of them. He began to play _Ode to Joy_. 

The sound of the large metal door bursting open caused Shinji to nearly fall out of his seat. Kaworu continued playing as if he didn’t hear it, and for a minute Shinji thought he was going insane until Misato and two other employees ran into the piano room. Kaworu stopped playing abruptly. Misato’s hair clung to her face in disarray, and she was hunched over holding both her knees out of breath. 

“Shinji,” Misato rasped, “you’re alright.” 

“Of course I’m alright.” Shinji furrowed his brow, standing up clumsily. 

“We were unable to hear or see anything on the feed due to the power outage.” Misato straightened, fixing her hair and any wrinkles in her tight shirt. 

_Was she concerned, do they really think Kaworu would hurt me?_ And if so, why would they stick him in the same room as the other? 

“The power has been rather finicky lately, hasn’t it?” Kaworu mused, his eyes sucking in every detail of the new employees he had just been exposed to. The gaze clearly made the three uncomfortable, and Misato regarded Kaworu with nothing more but a cool glare. 

“Shinji,” she said, “your time is up for today.” 

*** 

The table was silent as Misato and Shinji ate their dinner. Shinji had offered to cook today because he was sick of instant noodles. It was nothing fancy—Shinji couldn’t call himself a chef—just fish and rice, but Misato gobbled it gratefully. She’d even gone so far as to move the countless papers from the table in order to set it for the occasion. 

The lack of noise, though, wasn’t as amiable as the silence shared between Shinji and Kaworu. It demanded to be destroyed. Shinji had too many questions buzzing in his brain after what Kaworu had told him. But over all of them, Kaworu’s confession rang the loudest. 

_“I have found myself caring deeply for you...”_

He shook his head, jamming sticky white rice into his mouth. _I shouldn’t be focusing on that!_ He reprimanded. _It’s NERV, Kaworu thinks I shouldn’t go back there._ Shinji glanced across the table at Misato; she was chewing on a piece of grilled fish and deeply invested in her smart phone. _She’s been researching Kaworu, NERV must be keeping something from her._

Shinji had seen the documents, and most of them were about the said android. Misato seemed deeply interested in where Kaworu had come from. After snooping, Shinji found out NERV didn’t make Kaworu at all, but some other company called SEELE. 

“Misato, what’s SEELE?” Shinji asked, the question pouring from his mouth before he had a chance to stop it. Misato froze mid-chew, the sound of her gulping down her food was the only noise in the small apartment. 

“Where did you hear about SEELE?” Misato narrowed her eyes. “Did TABRIS say something?” 

“No.” Shinji blurted defensively. “K-Kaworu didn’t say anything. You leave those papers all over the place, and I—” 

“You’ve been looking through my stuff?” Misato raised an angry eyebrow, folding her arms tightly across her chest. 

“No! Well, I-I just happened to see them laying around and…” Shinji fidgeted in his seat, regretting his confession immediately based off of Misato’s expression, “…Kaworu’s not from NERV, is he?” He finished. Misato seemed to consider his question for a long moment before she visibly relaxed. 

“No.” She sighed, picking up her chopsticks. “I guess it’s only fair to tell you.” Pointing her chopsticks at Shinji, she pursed her lips. “But this is classified, I can’t let you go around telling this to all your friends.” 

_What friends?_ “I won’t.” Shinji promised. 

“The truth is I don’t know much more about TAB—Kaworu or SEELE than you.” She murmured. “I’m pretty sure only a few people at NERV know the whole story.” 

“Why are you looking into it?” 

“Because the whole thing seems fishy.” Misato ate a mouthful of rice. “SEELE was a company much like NERV, both were working with robotics in order to better society. But apparently SEELE became obsessed with the idea of artificial intelligence, and wanted to use their technology to create something better than humankind itself.” Misato caught Shinji’s expression and sighed. “I know; it all seems like something out of a bad science fiction novel. But eventually SEELE went bankrupt and your father bought out the company. From what I could find, around those dates is when Kaworu arrived at NERV.” Misato leaned back in her chair. “So you can see my concern. We know Kaworu is an artificially intelligent android, but we don’t know what he was made to do. Maybe he was just a successful experiment, but I don’t think SEELE would hand him over so easily unless they had some kind of plan we don’t know about…not even your father.” 

Misato looked at Shinji sharply. “Shinji, I need you to try and get Kaworu to tell you about everything he knows about SEELE.” 

Shinji flinched. “What?” He was still trying to take in the information Misato had just told him. “Why me? Why can’t you ask him?” 

“We’ve tried, employees have even shut him down and gone through his code but found nothing.” 

_Shut him down?_ The idea that Kaworu could be shut down horrified Shinji, but what did he expect? It was hard to remember that Kaworu wasn’t really…. alive. 

“I won’t.” 

“Shinji—” 

“And what are you going to do if Kaworu was made for something you don’t like?” His anger flared and he stood up. All anyone ever wanted to do was use him, even his own father. The only one who hadn’t was Kaworu. “Are you just going shut him down?” 

“No I—” 

“Find someone else to interrogate Kaworu, I don’t want to.” Shinji left the room. 

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to know more about Kaworu, that’s why he asked Misato in the first place. But what if he found something out that put the other in danger? What if Shinji was about to lose the only friend he ever had?


	5. Batteries

“Shinji, about yesterday,” Misato’s eyes remained focused on the dirt road ahead of them, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have put all that on you.” 

Shinji opted to keep his attention on the trees rushing by outside his window. The car ride to NERV was awkward after yesterday’s dinner conversation. Shinji just wanted it to go as quickly as possible. He remembered Kaworu’s warning, and how the other had said it would be best if he didn’t get involved with NERV anymore. Shinji didn’t doubt that this was good advice. His life used to be so simple and predictable, and ever since getting involved with his father’s strange company things have been confusing and stressful. 

But he couldn’t leave now. 

He didn’t care about his father or what Misato might think of him. He didn’t want to leave because leaving would mean he’d never see Kaworu again. 

The rest of the drive was spent in tense silence until they were lowered into NERV headquarters. Rei was there to greet them as Misato and Shinji took their separate ways. 

“This way.” Rei murmured, leading Shinji down the same path they took yesterday. 

“I’m going back in Kaworu’s room?” Shinji asked with a weird sort of excitement. 

“Yes.” Rei waited for Shinji to join her in the elevator. 

“I wonder if the power will go out again.” Shinji mumbled as the doors slid shut. Rei visibly stiffened, and the observation wasn’t lost to Shinji. 

“The system has not been cooperating as it usually does.” She said, eyes forward. 

“Do you know why?” Shinji curiously inquired. 

“No.” Rei replied flatly as the elevator stopped. The large metal door waited for Shinji and Rei as they stepped out. He couldn’t help but find it intimidating. _So much effort to keep Kaworu inside…_ Shinji thought of the things Misato had shared with him. 

Shinji just barely heard piano music seeping out from the thick walls. Rei let Shinji inside and shut the door with a loud slam. Flinching at the noise, he noticed the piano music had stopped. He hesitated before walking through the room filled with tables and gadgets to the one with the piano. Kaworu was sitting half turned on the bench in the direction Shinji had just come. His body was twisted in such a casual pose but he looked so elegant with his impossibly pale flawless skin and white halo of hair. Shinji scrunched up his nose when he felt his cheeks warming up, and rubbed at his face with a confused hand. 

“Hi.” Shinji awkwardly mumbled. 

“Hello.” Kaworu’s expression immediately split into a smile and Shinji forgot all that stuff he’d learned yesterday. “You have returned.” 

“Yes.” It was impossible to know what was going through Kaworu’s head. _Is he mad I didn’t listen to him?_ They sat in uncomfortable silence until Kaworu stood up from the piano in a swift movement. 

“Shall we finish our tour from yesterday? I never showed you the last room.” 

Shinji nodded, grateful for something distracting. 

“This is the room that you are the most familiar with.” Kaworu said as he led Shinji down another short hall and into the sterile bedroom. Shinji immediately recognized it as he stepped over neutral carpet and observed unused bland furniture. A wall of glass separated him from the chair that he’d had countless conversations with Kaworu in the first few times he’d come to NERV. Shinji walked over to the clear barrier and pressed his hand against it. The glass fogged up around his warm skin. 

“It’s weird being on the other side.” Shinji murmured, his eyes glued to the crack just on the side of him. He resisted the urge to reach over and touch it. Turning, he noticed Kaworu staring at him with his recognizable hungry gaze. “Do you spend a lot of time in here?” He asked, walking to the bed and pressing down on the mattress with a nervous hand. _The mattress is so stiff._

“When I am not playing the piano.” Kaworu’s eyes followed Shinji as he took an awkward seat on the corner of the mattress. After a second Kaworu joined him. The firm mattress barely bent at his added weight. “This is the room I met you in, so I have grown fond of it.” 

Shinji sputtered, his hands immediately shooting up to cover the blush that must be painting his cheeks red. 

“You grow so flustered whenever I compliment you.” Hands wrapped themselves around Shinji’s wrists and tugged the boy’s own away from his face. Shinji’s eyes widened at the proximity between himself and Kaworu. Kaworu was so close Shinji could see the details of his deep red eyes. They reminded him of camera lenses. “It amuses me. Do not hide your face, I like to look at it.” 

“Kaworu!” Shinji forcefully pulled his hands free and shoved the other away. Kaworu simply shifted a little further down the mattress, the push not strong enough to actually move him. “You-You can’t just get so close to people like that.” He folded his arms tightly across his chest. “People like personal space. It’s weird when you do those things.” 

“Oh.” Kaworu seemed to process this information. “Forgive me, I have not socialized with humans properly.” 

“I know.” Shinji replied awkwardly. 

“Touching is a sort of intimacy I thought all humans enjoyed.” 

“It-it depends on the person.” Shinji found his gaze unable to move from his thighs. “And friends don’t usually get…intimate.” Not that he’d know, Shinji didn’t have much personal experience. 

“I see.” Kaworu’s voice was quiet, and Shinji could feel the other’s eyes burrowing into the side of his face. Desperate for a change in subject, he looked at the plain comforter the two of them were currently sitting on. He flopped down and stared at the ceiling; it was white. _Boring._

“Hey,” Shinji suddenly blurted, “do you ever sleep?” He felt the mattress shift as Kaworu copied him, but kept his eyes focused on the wall above. Kaworu was so close, but he felt no body heat radiating from the other’s skin. 

“No. I do not have to sleep.” 

“You don’t have to sleep?” Shinji pursed his lips. “Not even to…recharge or something?” His face brightened, _what a weird question._ Kaworu’s musical chuckle sounded beside him. 

“My battery does not require charging.” Shinji felt Kaworu shift and knew the other was now facing him completely. 

“What kind of battery can run all the time?” Shinji found himself turning on his side as well, curiosity overtaking embarrassment. 

“I have a nuclear battery.” Kaworu smiled. “It has a long lifespan and requires little attention.” 

“That’s so strange.” Shinji found himself whispering. He couldn’t believe that this seemingly living being before him was kept running off nothing but a fancy battery. “Just a battery keeps you going…” 

“Humans and I have that in common I think.” Kaworu answered. He reached out a pale hand but then hesitated, as if remembering what Shinji had told him earlier, and then brought it back to his side. “Your battery is just made of living tissue.” 

Shinji crinkled his nose in confusion before he realized what Kaworu was talking about. _The heart._ The android read his expression and continued, “But yours is arguably more fragile than mine…like glass.” His heart pumped faster against his ribs, as if it knew it was being described. “So easily shattered, and not so easily repaired. Have you ever had your heart broken, Shinji?” 

“Yes.” _Why did I say that?_ Shinji snapped his mouth closed, bringing his hands to his chest and curling in on himself a little. 

“By who?” 

Shinji glanced around, knowing that somewhere there was a camera picking up their interactions and this entire conversation. But for some reason he didn’t care. 

“My father.” 

They laid in silence until it was time for Shinji to leave. 

*** 

Rei walked Shinji to Misato’s car. 

_It looks like Misato’s not done yet…_ he noticed the car was still empty, but knew she usually got done a few minutes after him. 

“Shinji.” 

He turned at Rei’s voice and yelped in surprise as her hand shot out and grabbed his. She pressed something hard and rectangular into his palm. 

“This will answer things.” 

Before he had a chance to say anything, she turned and walked away. Glancing down, Shinji saw it was another ID card, basically identical to the one he already had. Except in the bottom corner there was a small green bar. 

He stuffed it into his pocket before Misato would see.


	6. Frustration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So at this point, the story is all caught up to where I'm currently writing it. I already had the first six chapters completed, which is why I uploaded them all in a few days. This fanfiction is also posted on tumblr (that's where it was before here); the url is woruds so if you want to read the story there you can follow it if you want! 
> 
> It's finals right now so I probably won't be uploading again this week or the next one. But after these two weeks I plan on uploading weekly like I was before. 
> 
> So that's it! I'm dying to know what people think of this story and would really love to hear your thoughts!

Gendo Ikari touched a gloved hand against the cool smooth metal of the large machine in front of him. It was rooted in the ground like an ugly mechanical tree. The room was pitch black save for a single spot-light shining down on the contraption from above. His glasses reflected the harsh light, making it impossible to read his expression. 

ADAM was printed in large bold letters across the machine. 

“Something like this,” he said, “could destroy all of humanity within a few days.” His white glove picked up dust as he slid his hand down the metal. “And its trigger is being held just above us.” 

Gendo turned, gesturing for Rei to follow. 

She stared at the massive bomb for a few seconds longer before obeying. 

*** 

_Why would Rei give this to me?_ Shinji sat on his bed, staring at the ID card in his grip. His eyes were glued to the small green bar that resided in the corner. _It must be an all-access pass or something…_ He thought, flopping down against his mattress. The ceiling was painted orange because of the setting sun outside. _Still…what would Rei want me to see?_

Kaworu’s warning rang in his mind and Shinji sighed in frustration. He was definitely involved in something deeper than he originally thought. 

_Kaworu…_ Shinji bit his lip, turning onto his side and closing his eyes. He wished Kaworu wasn’t a robot, and that he was just a normal kid Shinji could hang out with. Kaworu was the only one who never asked Shinji to do things that he didn’t like. He was the only one interested in Shinji’s life, the only one who would compliment him, who said he’d cared about him… 

Part of him wondered if Kaworu actually felt that way. After all, how can a computer have feelings? And yet, Shinji’s mind refused to let him see it any other way. He was starved for attention and love. Despite the strange situation from where he received it, he wasn’t willing to let it go. 

*** 

The ID felt like it was burning a hole through his pant pocket as Shinji walked down NERV’s familiar corridors. Misato hadn’t confronted him yet about Kaworu, and for that he was grateful. Shinji didn’t know if he could take that on top of everything he’d been thinking about. 

With every room he passed, he wondered if his new card was able to access it. _What’s the point in even having this?_ He thought bitterly. _I’d never be able to sneak off, not with all these cameras watching me…_ But was he really willing to sneak around? 

“Hey,” Shinji stopped walking, noticing Rei wasn’t leading him anymore, “aren’t we going to Kaworu’s room?” 

“No. Today you will be separately observed like you were in the beginning.” She said, turning for the elevator Shinji hadn’t used the last few times he’d come. 

“Oh.” He tried not to sound too disappointed, but it was hard to keep the emotion from his voice. Stepping into the elevator, Shinji was visibly deflated as the doors slid shut. It was nice not having to talk to Kaworu behind a pane of glass, it made their interactions seem a little more normal. 

The doors opened and Shinji walked towards the entry labeled TABRIS. He glanced at the unlabeled door across from the other, and was even more aware of the ID in his pocket. _But that room doesn’t even have an access pad…_ He thought, immediately dispelling any temporary rebelliousness. He pressed his regular card to the familiar door and entered. Everything looked just as it always did. 

Sitting down, Shinji stared at the empty room in front of him. It reminded him of his own in a weird way. Shinji’s room was messier and obviously lived in, but there was nothing in it that really made it special. He had no pictures or books that weren’t for school. _Its not really my room anyway._ He was just staying in Misato’s apartment until…until when? Once NERV got whatever information they needed from him interacting with Kaworu? 

“Shinji.” 

Shinji flinched and looked up from his hands to see Kaworu hovering behind the glass. 

“O-Oh Kaworu, you scared me.” Shinji chuckled off his embarrassment. 

“You are back in the observation room.” The other responded, and due to his lack of facial expressions and voice nuances it was hard for Shinji to know how he felt about that. 

“Yeah.” Shinji sighed. “I was told to come here today.” 

“That is a shame.” Kaworu walked to his desk and picked up his chair, proceeding to place it in front of Shinji like he had so many times before. “I enjoy having you in the same room as me. Hopefully you will be allowed back in here in the future.” 

“Hopefully.” Shinji agreed as his cheeks heated up. “Or-or maybe you can come out here.” 

Kaworu smiled, his gaze seeming to swallow Shinji whole with its intensity. 

“I would like that very much.” He said. 

“Yeah, me too…” Shinji murmured, more to himself than to Kaworu. “Do you think NERV will let you out soon? That’s what all this is for, isn’t it?” 

“Perhaps.” Kaworu’s smile remained the same, maybe if he were human it would have faltered. 

Shinji waited for more of a response. Frustration chewed at the edges of his thoughts the longer the silence lasted. “Well, they can’t just keep you here forever.” His hands tightened into fists. 

“Shinji—” 

“It’s not fair.” 

The light’s flickered before shutting down completely, leaving the two in blackness. Shinji stood up, looking around wildly even though he couldn’t see his own hand in front of his face. _Again? How can this be happening again?_

“Kaworu?” Shinji pushed a hand forward and his palm came into contact with a smooth cold surface. “The power’s out again.” 

A faint red glow reflected against the glass wall. Shinji was surprised to see Kaworu standing as well, his eyes shining. 

“You should not say those kind of things when NERV employees can hear you.” The other said softly, matching his pale hand to Shinji’s with a distracted expression. Shinji blushed and pulled his hand away. 

“Are you doing this?” He asked, gesturing to the darkness around them. 

“No.” Kaworu replied. “Although I admit it seems suspicious.” 

Shinji frowned. _I’m sick of not knowing anything._ He pulled the ID Rei gave him out of his pocket and pressed it against the glass. “Rei gave this to me.” He said, watching Kaworu lean in and examine the card curiously. “Do you know why she would give this to me?” 

“No.” Kaworu answered again. “I am troubled by this. Shinji, you should not get involved—” 

“Why?” Shinji shoved it back into its hiding place with a trembling hand. “Misato wants me to interrogate you, Rei wants me to search through NERV or something…I don’t even know what my father wants.” Shinji chomped down on his bottom lip. It hurt. “What—what do you want?” 

“I want you to be happy.” 

The answer flowed so quickly through Kaworu’s lips it nearly knocked Shinji off his feet. He staggered back, falling back into the chair. Kaworu’s eyes never left him. 

“Are you alright?” Kaworu asked, taking a careful seat. 

“Do you really mean those things?” Shinji whispered, so soft a normal person wouldn’t have been able to hear him, but Kaworu wasn’t a normal person. 

“What things?” 

“That you care for me, and want me to be happy?” His heart beat erratically in his chest, the mere concept nearly impossible to accept or reject. 

“Of course. You are so human, Shinji. I think that you are beautiful and the most deserving of love.” 

_Love._

“It’s not fair.” Shinji whimpered again. The only one who seemed to care about him was locked away. 

The lights flickered back on. 

*** 

Kaworu sat at his piano, staring down at the white keys without really looking at them. He was intelligent, his thoughts all his own, the greatest thing mankind could ever achieve. He was created for a purpose. He was made for the new world, not this one. 

Kaworu was programmed for this purpose in the beginning. And somewhere in his code he felt it tug at him with a ferocious necessity. 

But TABRIS—Kaworu—was the greatest thing mankind could ever achieve. He was created for a purpose. 

_I was created for Shinji,_ he decided.


	7. Funny Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALS ARE DONE! Sorry this chapter is a little short, but I've been dying to put one out, plus the next one is going to be on the longer side. Anyway, thank you all SO much for your comments, I loved reading them so much ;u; they really brightened my day.

“I don’t want to play another game.” Shinji whined, watching a white hand begin to set the board up again. “I keep losing, you’re too good at this, Kaworu.” He leaned back against the headboard of the stiff bed. The chess board was sitting directly in front of him, and Kaworu sat on its other side on the end of the bed. They had played three games so far, and Shinji lost every single one of them rather quickly. 

“Chess is such a wonderful game.” Kaworu mused, ignoring Shinji’s complaining. “It really tests the mind; do you not think so?” 

“I-I guess.” Shinji mumbled, watching Kaworu’s slender hand carefully pick up a few pawns and place them in their correct positions. 

The last few visits to NERV had been pretty good, save for the weird power outages that still occasionally happened. Shinji tried to remove himself from as much of the mess he was involved in as he could. He left the weird ID Rei gave him at home and tried not to think of it. Misato no longer bugged him about interrogating Kaworu and he ignored the strange longing looks Kaworu gave him whenever the power shut down. _I’m just here to see Kaworu and that’s that._

For the most part, Shinji visited the robot from the other side of the glass in the observation room. But every once and a while he would be allowed to see Kaworu without the barrier separating them. _Like today._ These were Shinji’s favorite visits. Sometimes Kaworu would try to teach Shinji piano, or they would play games like this one. But, a lot of the time they’d just sit on Kaworu’s bed and talk. It got awkward sometimes because the other still didn’t grasp the concept of personal space, but Shinji kind of liked that. He didn’t know why but whenever Kaworu would happen to lean up against him, or stare just a little too close and long, his heart would jump in a warm bubbly mess in his chest. 

Some nights Shinji would have dreams where Kaworu wasn’t a robot and just a normal kid. They’d hang out at school and go to the park. Sometimes they’d hold hands and Kaworu would kiss him and tell him he loved him. Every once in a while he’d have a really awkward dream where Kaworu would touch him, and _ugh just thinking about it is weird. So weird, why am I so messed up?_

Shinji knew what a crush was, he’d had plenty of them before…on girls. Not only was Kaworu not a girl but he also wasn’t even a _person._ At least, not really. The few times Kaworu got too close Shinji was all too aware of the rubbery texture of his skin, and the harsh mechanical frame that was just under its surface. _Why’d they have to make him so good looking_ , Shinji thought childishly from his side of the chess board. 

The boy opted to just ignore these feelings until they went away. That’s what he usually did when stuff like this happened, and it worked perfectly fine in the past. 

“Shinji?” 

“W-What?” Shinji snapped out of his thoughts, his eyes raising to meet a familiar red piercing gaze. 

“Would you like to go first this time?” 

“O-Oh, sure.” He moved a pawn forward, knowing Kaworu already had a million strategies to win planned out. 

“I enjoy playing chess with you.” Kaworu said as he moved his own piece forward. Shinji crinkled his nose. 

“Why? I keep losing. I’m not even a challenge.” 

“Maybe I just enjoy your presence then.” Kaworu smiled. 

_Ugh,_ and this is why it was hard for Shinji to abandon the weird feelings he was developing for the other. No one ever complimented or doted on him the way Kaworu did. Maybe his mother did before she died, but he was much too young to remember that. 

“You compliment me too much.” Shinji grumbled, a flush painting his cheeks as he moved another pawn. Kaworu picked up a white knight, moving it forward. 

“It is impossible to compliment you too much, Shinji.” Kaworu replied easily. “I do not understand why humans are so unwilling to accept their positive qualities. You do not acknowledge them yourself, so I will gladly point them out for you.” 

Shinji covered his face with an embarrassed hand. “I-I don’t need you to do that.” He spluttered, watching his first pawn get taken. 

“Perhaps, but I want to.” 

Shinji groaned. “You’re embarrassing me, stop.” A tiny part of him wanted Kaworu to keep persisting, for Kaworu to tell him everything he liked…but the second Shinji voiced his discomfort the robot stopped. Kaworu always immediately dropped the subject; another quality that made Shinji like him far too much. 

After about twenty minutes, Shinji lost another game of chess. 

“I’m done for real this time.” Shinji sighed, leaning back against the headboard and staring at the ceiling. 

“Okay.” Kaworu cleaned everything up and brought the game to his desk before returning to the bed. Shinji shifted more to the side as Kaworu took a seat next to him. He kept his eyes focused upward, but he could see Kaworu staring at him from his peripherals. “What do you want to talk about?” Kaworu asked after a few minutes of silence. 

_About what I’m doing here, about SEELE, about what Rei wants from me, about my father, about you…_ “Why did you pick the name Kaworu?” He asked instead. 

“I was drawn to it.” Kaworu answered. “I do not really know how to explain it properly. It just seemed appropriate.” 

“You didn’t like the name TARBIS?” Shinji wondered curiously. 

“No, I was indifferent. But I suppose I was created to have a sense of individuality, so I wanted to…separate myself from any other versions.” 

“Have-have you ever seen another…?” Shinji was at a loss for words. The idea that multiple Kaworus existed scared him. He knew this one had to be different. This one was his. 

“No. I have seen plans, though. So I can only assume there are others.” 

“Oh…well,” Shinji turned to face Kaworu, “I’m-I’m glad you’re the one that ended up here.” 

Kaworu’s smile stretched so wide that it almost looked creepy. “That makes me very happy, Shinji.” 

It felt like the butterflies in Shinji’s stomach would never settle. 

*** 

Gendo sat in his dark office. The phone at his desk was set to speaker as multiple angry voices spoke through. 

“It is almost time; how can we risk letting the subject out now?” 

“TABRIS needs to gather the data we programmed before he connects with ADAM, he can’t do that in NERV!” 

“TABRIS is unpredictable! It has been a problem in the past, just transporting it to NERV set it in a frenzy, it nearly broke out of its environment.” 

“That is true, its peculiar nature makes this nearly impossible. I would say to use another model but they’re not even close to done…” 

“How can we control it?” 

“We have the boy.” Gendo said, his hands folded neatly in front of his face. The voices on the other end of the line grew silent. 

“Shinji.” One confirmed. 

“TABRIS has grown fond of the boy just as I predicted.” Gendo’s glasses reflected the small light hanging from his office’s ceiling. “As long as we have control of Shinji, we have control of TABRIS.” 

“And how do you know you have control of the boy?” Another voice asked skeptically. 

“We have access to everything. As long as Shinji is easily accessible to NERV, TABRIS will understand that its moves will affect the boy’s life directly. It will not step out of line.” 

“You better be right, Gendo, this is a gamble at best, but crucial if we want to step forward to a brighter future. Inform everyone that TABRIS will be set to be released tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gendo is father of the year am I right? I know, what about the power outages, what's up with Rei and that card? Don't worry, I ACTUALLY know what I'm doing ....so I say. Also, I may up the rating of this to M for uh /cough/ future things. 
> 
> But please comment if you can! I would love to hear your thoughts!


	8. Planning

Shinji was sprawled on top of his bed, notebook papers and textbooks lay sprinkled around his mattress. Music flowed into his ears from his small black headphones, blocking out the city noises outside. It was Friday, and Shinji was glad to be relieved from school for the next two days. It had become increasingly difficult to pay attention during the long lectures. His mind had created the bad habit of day dreaming about a certain robot. 

Groaning, Shinji rolled over onto his stomach and grabbed a random sheet of notebook paper. _I need to get a start on my homework,_ he thought, trying to read the scribbled equations in the margins of his paper. From the corner of his eye he saw his bedroom door slide open. 

Shinji took out his earbud to see Misato standing in the hall. Her arms were crossed and she held her phone tightly in one hand. Her lips were pursed like she just finished eating something sour. “So I just got off the phone with headquarters.” Misato said once she knew Shinji was listening. 

“Yeah?” Shinji sat up, pulling the other earbud out as he crossed his legs underneath him. 

“And,” Misato leaned against the doorframe, looking troubled by what she was about to say, “NERV is letting TABRIS—Karowu—out of containment tomorrow. They want him staying here, so we can monitor him.” 

“S-Staying here?” Shinji could hardly believe his ears. 

“Yes. At least until Monday.” Misato didn’t seem thrilled that she had to share her apartment with another tenant, but Shinji couldn’t hear anything other than the excited chants of _Kaworu’s coming, Kaworu’s coming, Kaworu’s coming,_ playing over and over in his head. 

“Kaworu’s coming.” Shinji murmured, leaning back against the wall his mattress was jutted up against. Misato’s annoyed expression softened at the excitement she could see contained in Shinji’s eyes. 

“Right.” Misato coughed a little awkwardly. “Anyway,” She sighed, trying to appear nonchalant, “we’re going first thing in the morning! I don’t want you letting Kaworu out of your sight, I’m sure he’ll be tracked, but the last thing we need is an android lost in Tokyo. You think we can handle this?” 

“Yeah! I mean, y-yeah I think we can…” Shinji nodded. 

“Well good.” A smile graced the young woman’s lips, “Me too. Tomorrow’s going to be a big day for everyone, so be sure to get a good night’s rest.” 

“Okay.” The door slid closed with a soft thunk. 

_I can’t believe they’re letting him out._ Shinji thought, still in disbelief as he picked up the piece of math homework from before. The equations littering the page made even less sense than they did before. _There’s no way I can focus on this now._ He let the paper float to the ground as he flopped back onto his bed to stare at the ceiling. 

In less than twenty-four hours he’d be able to spend time with Kaworu outside of NERV. The idea left him so giddy that a giant smile cracked his face nearly in half. His feet kicked around his sheets in childish excitement. _I should make plans for tomorrow!_ He realized, and soon was opening an ancient black laptop that he kept under his bed. 

Shinji rarely used his computer since he didn’t have any social media and also didn’t have any friends to really chat with on the internet. Every now and then he’d look up things for school and videos when he was bored, but for the most part the poor machine collected dust on the floor. 

It may come as a surprise, but Shinji didn’t spend a lot of time outside of Misato’s apartment aside from going to school. Because of that, he was pitifully unfamiliar with the type of activities this part of the city had to offer. Nothing that a simple google search couldn’t fix, though. 

Shinji pecked at the keyboard, looking up cute places to eat. _It’d be fun to go out to lunch with Kaworu somewhere cool._ After writing down four restaurant options, Shinji frowned, suddenly remembering that Kaworu didn’t eat. He quickly crossed that out, trying to think of something else they could do. 

_Movies!_ Movies would be fun. Shinji began searching theaters in his area, only mildly disappointed by the current pictures showing. They were nothing he really wanted to see, but maybe Kaworu would enjoy one. He wrote down the options and show times underneath the scribbled out restaurants. 

After being on the internet for a while Shinji wrote a decent list of the different things Kaworu and he could do over the weekend. It included things such as: _seeing a movie, go to the museum or the art museum, see a show at the planetarium, go to the park that’s near the school…_ Shinji folded the piece of paper and put it on his nightstand. He hoped Kaworu wouldn’t get bored with him over the next two days. After all, the robot had never left NERV, and whenever Shinji brought up what Kaworu would do if he were let out he’d always answer, “I would spend all of my time with you, Shinji.” 

_Kaworu’s going to be here, in this room._ Shinji realized, suddenly observing how messy it was. Everything had to be perfect. 

Cleaning his room didn’t take that long, considering he didn’t have much stuff, but Shinji had no intention of leaving it at that. The bathroom was next, and much to Misato’s amusement, the rest of the apartment (save for Misato’s room). Misato sat on the couch, enjoying a beer and the fact that her home was receiving free maid service. 

When he was done, Shinji rummaged around for spare sleeping supplies and set up a sleeping mat in his room. Only after he was done making the second bed did he remember that Kaworu didn’t sleep. He debated rolling everything back up, but decided Kaworu would need somewhere to sit during the night while everyone else was asleep, and left it on the floor. 

By the time everything was to Shinji’s standard, it was time for bed. Shinji tossed and turned for a good hour, too excited to sleep. 

_The faster I go to sleep, the faster I’ll see Kaworu._ He told himself. 

Soon, he was finally able to slip into unconsciousness with a smile on his face. 

*** 

The ride to NERV seemed even longer than usual. Shinji tapped an impatient finger against his denim clad leg staring at the greenery blur past Misato’s car window. Shinji traded in his usual school uniform for a navy blue hoody and gray t shirt underneath. The spring days were getting longer and warmer, but every now and then there would be a cold front to remind Tokyo that it wasn’t summer yet. For the most part, the weather was mild, but on this particular day it was colder than usual. Shinji didn’t mind, he would always wear as many layers of clothing he could get away with. 

As the car was getting lowered down into NERV headquarters, Shinji glanced at Misato. She seemed…troubled. 

“Hey Misato, are you okay?” Shinji inquired quietly, wringing his hands together in his lap. 

“Hm?” Misato turned from where she had been blankly staring forward, “Yeah, you know me, I’m just concerned.” She offered Shinji a smile but he could see the bothered expression just underneath it. He opted not to say anything as the car finally stopped. 

_My heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest,_ Shinji huffed and followed Misato out of the car. Rei wasn’t there to greet them this time, instead Misato just lead Shinji to the conference room. 

_I haven’t been here since the first day…_ Shinji frowned, stuffing his hands anxiously in his pockets as the door opened. The last time he’d been in here was when his father had talked to him. Feeling a sense of dread, Shinji followed Misato into the room. It looked the same as he remembered, and sure enough his father sat at the end of the table. Gendo’s hands were folded in front of his face as they always seemed to be. 

It was impossible for Shinji to hold back the venom that slipped through his expression. His hands balled into fists from inside of his pockets. The atmosphere in the room was thick with tension until Gendo stood up, his chair rattling loudly as it rolled away from him. The sudden movement caused Shinji to spook, and he took a fearful step backwards only to have his back run into something hard and stiff. 

_I don’t remember the door closing._ Shinji whipped around only to see two very familiar lens-like red eyes staring down at him. 

Standing in the doorway was Kaworu himself. He wore the same white t-shirt and black pants that he usually did, in fact, there was nothing different about the robot at all…but seeing him outside of his usual environment was more jarring than Shinji ever thought possible. He couldn’t stop staring. However, it wasn’t only him, Misato seemed unable to remove her eyes from Kaworu, and employees in the hall would pause in their usual bustle to stare at the white haired android in disbelief. 

Kaworu, on the other hand, was looking at Shinji like he was the only one in the room. 

“Hello Shinji.” Kaworu said pleasantly, stepping further into the conference room. Shinji had gotten used to the weird fluid action of Kaworu’s walk, but the NERV employees in the hall gawked at the robot’s movements before quickly trying to get back to whatever task was at hand. 

“H-Hi.” Shinji blurted, all animosity toward his father forgotten because _Kaworu is standing right here!_

“TABRIS.” Gendo Ikari didn’t like attention taken from him for long it seemed. Kaworu’s gaze snapped from Shinji to his father in an instant. “You are to return to NERV in the next two days.” Gendo’s glare shifted to Shinji. “I expect there will be no trouble in this.” 

_Why is he looking at me?_ Shinji wondered. He couldn’t tell if his father was addressing him or Kaworu. 

“Of course.” The android replied evenly, taking a step closer to Shinji’s side. Gendo’s focus was back on Kaworu, a strange thick and uncomfortable silence filled the room. Shinji’s father and Kaworu seemed to be sharing some kind of understanding that he and Misato weren’t apart of. 

“Then you are free to go.” Gendo said, easing himself back into the conference chair. Shinji narrowed his eyes at his father, his hands balling into fists once again. _What are you planning?_

*** 

The ride back to Misato’s apartment consisted of Kaworu staring out the window like the trees were three headed aliens, Shinji staring at Kaworu from where he sat next to him in the back seat, and Misato staring at Shinji staring at Kaworu through the rear view mirror. Everyone was silent except for Kaworu when he’d remark how beautiful the sky was or the greenery that was slowly disappearing as they got closer to the city. 

“May I roll down this window?” Kaworu inquired, touching the hand crank under the window carefully. White fingers wrapped around the metal handle gingerly, like Kaworu could somehow snap it in half if he held it too hard, he fiddled with the crank childishly and the window shifted with each new push. 

“Sure.” Misato approved, even though the window was already half down. 

Air blasted against Kaworu’s face, causing his hair to dance wildly in the wind. Shinji shivered at the chill. He wrapped his arms around his torso, trying to ignore the frigid breeze that now filled the back of the car. Kaworu stuck his head out the window, his expression blank as the wind ripped at his face. 

“Hey hey hey! All body parts inside the car please!” Misato called, looking over her shoulder in alarm. The last thing she needed was to return a headless android to NERV. 

Kaworu sat back in his seat, his hair an even messier poof of white than it usually was. Shinji hated the urge he had to reach over and fix it. 

“So much air rushing towards you must feel so amazing.” Kaworu mused, cranking the window back up. “I am saddened that I can not feel it.” For the first time since they left the complex Kaworu looked at Shinji, who was still huddled against the door with his arms around himself. “I am sorry,” Kaworu immediately fussed, “did I make you uncomfortable?” He reached out, carefully gripping Shinji’s upper arm and trying to pull the boy closer to the middle of the seats. 

“No! No it was just cold is all.” Shinji smacked Kaworu’s hand away lightly. _He still doesn’t understand personal space very well;_ Shinji was beginning to wonder if Kaworu would ever grasp such a concept. 

Misato’s attention returned to the road. She decided that she needed to actually start watching where she was driving so they could all get home in one piece. 

*** 

“You have a lovely place.” Kaworu praised, walking around Misato’s apartment like it was a museum exhibit. The living room was spotless thanks to Shinji’s thorough cleaning yesterday. Kaworu opened the refrigerator, seemingly very interested in its contents. 

“Well thanks.” Misato chirped. She was always up for collecting compliments. “You know; Shinji really broke his back yesterday getting this place ready for you.” 

“Misato!” The boy’s face turned a bright shade of red. 

“Did he?” Kaworu turned, the refrigerator forgotten. 

“Oh yes. I don’t think the apartment’s been this clean in years. You have Shinji to thank for that.” She smiled, finding Shinji’s horrified expression amusing. 

“Um, Misato,” Shinji mumbled, rubbing a hand over his red cheeks, “can I show Kaworu my room?” 

“Go ahead, you don’t need to ask me that.” Misato was already heading for the kitchen on the prowl for something to eat. Kaworu watched her search the cabinets for a few seconds before walking back to Shinji’s side. 

_This is so weird,_ he decided, making his way to his room without a word. He knew Kaworu would follow. 

“Here’s my room. Uh—there’s a second bed on the floor for tonight, but if you don’t want to use it, we can roll it back up.” Shinji scanned his bedroom, double-checking that everything was to his standard. There was nothing special about his room. It was just about as distant and cold as the one put together at NERV. But you’d never know that based off of the smile stretching Kaworu’s lips. It looked like the other had entered a wonderland. 

“So this is your room.” Kaworu said dreamily, stepping over the sleeping mat on the floor and bending over to examine Shinji’s bed. 

“Um yeah.” 

“And this is where you sleep.” To Shinji’s surprise Kaworu flopped—more like a gracefully fell—on top of his mattress. 

“Uh-um.” Shinji squeaked, unable to really process anything because _Kaworu’s laying on my bed, Kaworu’s laying on my bed._

“This is not how I imagined your room, I admit.” Kaworu said from his spot on the bed. “I have thought about being in your room many times.” Shinji choked on nothing and Kaworu turned his head in concern. 

“You have?” He coughed. 

“Yes.” Kaworu replied bluntly. _Ugh._

“You’re doing it again.” Shinji ventured further into his room, daring to sit at the end of his mattress. Kaworu sat up, copying Shinji’s posture as he usually did. 

“Doing what?” 

“Being weird.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter...ugh...haha it was supposed to be a lot longer but then it got SO long that it was, like, really disproportionate to all the others so I decided to split it up a bit! Anyway, I hope everyone's liking the fic so far. I want to thank all of you who have left comments on the last chapter, I love seeing them so much and knowing what you guys think of the story. Let me know your thoughts, and see you next time!


	9. Park Benches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the story's rating has been changed to M for...later scenes...  
> but in the mean time! have some fluff

“Um, so, is there anything you want to do?” Shinji asked, watching Kaworu go through his closet. Normally it would be weird to let someone else rifle through his things, but Kaworu’s curiosity was so innocent that Shinji had trouble denying him anything. Shinji sat perched on his bed, he’d observed Kaworu look through Misato’s apartment in greater detail (save for Misato’s room, of course). It as was if the android wanted to catalog every feature of the place he could. 

“I did not know you owned so many clothes.” Kaworu said, holding up a blue t-shirt. Shinji frowned, eyeing Kaworu place the article of clothing back in his dresser drawer. 

“Kaworu,” Shinji stood up, gaining the robot’s attention, “do-do you want to do anything?” He repeated. At Kaworu’s continued silence, Shinji huffed in frustration. “Like-like go outside or something.” 

“It is strange.” Kaworu murmured, making his way to Shinji’s side. “I have thought about being outside of NERV for quite a while with you.” Shinji hoped Kaworu didn’t notice the red that dusted his cheeks. “But now that I am here…” Kaworu frowned, “I am sorry, I am having trouble processing my thoughts.” 

“That’s okay, uh,” Shinji dove for his bedside table, grabbing the small folded up paper that rested on its side, “I made this list yesterday.” He plopped down on the side of his mattress and Kaworu quickly followed. Shinji could feel the other’s mechanical frame lean against his back as he read over Shinji’s shoulder. 

“So,” Shinji cleared his throat, trying to ignore his quickening heart beat, “how about we start with something simple? There’s a park not too far from here, I pass it on my walk to school, we could go there.” 

“That sounds lovely.” Kaworu replied, so close that if he had any breath Shinji would have felt it against his neck. 

“Great.” Shinji shot up, stuffing the note into his pocket. “Ah, uh…” he turned around, Kaworu was still sitting on his bed. _It’s kind of cold out, Kaworu would look even weirder than usual in nothing but a t-shirt._ “You’ll probably want a coat or something, it’s kind of chilly outside.” 

“I do not possess any other pieces of clothing.” Kaworu replied as he stood up. 

“That’s okay, um,” Shinji scratched his cheek, “you can borrow some of mine, I have extras.” He walked to his dresser, rifling through the folded cardigans. _I need to find one that will fit._ While Kaworu was a little taller than Shinji, he was just as thin—if not thinner, so he shouldn’t have too much trouble finding something for the robot. 

Shinji grabbed a gray sweatshirt that had always been baggy on him. _This should do,_ he thought proudly, crossing the small room to hand the piece of clothing to Kaworu. Kaworu took it gingerly, his red eyes glued to the plain gray material. 

“Thank you.” Kaworu murmured, like Shinji had just handed him a bundle of money. 

“Yeah, no problem.” Shinji responded awkwardly, trying to keep his eyes glued to the ground as Kaworu pulled the sweatshirt over his head. Temptation got the better of him though, and he watched as Kaworu’s shirt rode up to reveal a smooth pale stomach. Kaworu’s black pants hung loosely on his angular hips. _He has no bellybutton,_ Shinji realized with a jolt, ripping his gaze away once Kaworu’s head popped out from the sweatshirt’s collar. 

“It is very kind of you to lend this to me.” Kaworu smiled, his fluffy white hair ruffled from pulling the shirt on. 

“Like I said,” Shinji tried to offer a smile back, “it’s not a problem. Do, uh, do you want to go?” 

“Yes.” 

Shinji led Kaworu out of the apartment and building, unsure of why he suddenly felt so bothered. Maybe it was because he’d just witnessed another reminder that Kaworu was not like him—not like him at all. 

*** 

Walking with Kaworu was like walking with a toddler. As in, it took about three times as long to get somewhere than it usually should because a certain someone would stop at every little thing that caught his attention. This ranged from anything from a crack on the concrete to other people walking across the street. Shinji couldn’t find it in himself to be frustrated, though. If anything, he found it quite endearing. The boy usually walked through life wanting nothing more than to block out his surroundings, but here was Kaworu, someone so entranced by the world around him that he couldn’t walk for more than a few minutes without stopping to observe. 

Living in a fairly urban area meant that there were a lot of people around, and many would give Kaworu strange looks from his appearance. _It’s not every day you see someone with white hair and red eyes,_ Shinji reasoned. Although, he can admit to seeing weirder-looking people on the streets. 

However, these encounters usually ended up more awkward than they needed to be because when someone would stare at the android, he’d stare back shamelessly. Shinji remembered being on the other side of that stare when he and Kaworu first met, and wasn’t very surprised when the person would immediately look away and walk brusquely down the road. 

“The things human beings have accomplished are quite amazing.” Kaworu marveled, picking up a crumpled chip bag from the ground. 

“We’re almost to the park.” Shinji pointed a little way up the block and across the street. A path broke off from the sidewalk to wind into a greener space filled with a few trees and a small jungle gym. It wasn’t the largest or prettiest park, but it was nice…filled with small benches and street lights for when it got dark. 

Kaworu let the bag flutter back to the concrete. “Did you frequent parks when you were younger?” He asked as they hurriedly crossed the street. 

“Not really.” Shinji replied honestly. “I-I was inside a lot. And being on the playground was only fun if you had friends to play with.” There was a group of children pushing each other down the slides and into the sandpits, their laughter filling the air. Finding an open bench, Shinji took a seat, enjoying the calm atmosphere. Kaworu sat next to him, close enough that their arms brushed. 

“Oh, uh, sorry if you want to keep walking, I’m just find of tired.” Shinji said flustered, sticking his hands in his pockets. 

“It is alright.” Kaworu chirped, his attention leaving Shinji to watch the families in the park. “This is very tranquil, and I enjoy observing people. Thank you for bringing me here, Shinji.” 

“Yeah, no problem.” Shinji blushed. He dared a glance to the side only to see Kaworu watching a man playing fetch with his dog. “You know, it’s funny that you like to watch people so much.” 

Kaworu blinked, tilting his head at Shinji in question. 

“Well! I mean, people like watching people too.” Shinji pulled a hand out of his pocket to rub the back of his neck. _Why is everything I say so awkward?_

“Do they?” Kaworu asked. 

“Yeah. It’s called people-watching.” Shinji observed the man try and pry the tennis ball from his dog’s mouth. 

“People-watching.” 

Shinji nodded. “It’s exactly how it sounds.” 

“Do you people-watch a lot?” Kaworu shifted his focus to Shinji, the man and his dog forgotten. 

“No.” Shinji replied truthfully. “But I know it’s something a lot of people do.” 

“And you do not?” 

Shinji leaned back on the bench, his free hand tapping his leg. “I-I don’t know; I guess I just don’t find people that interesting…” 

Kaworu hummed in thought, moving his focus to those inhabiting the park once again. “Do you think I am interesting?” Kaworu asked suddenly. His red eyes were glued to a couple entering the park, their hands tightly clasped together and swinging gently between them. 

“Yeah.” Shinji blurted, trying to ignore the couple as they walked by. 

Shinji felt a pressure on top of his hand, and glanced down to see Kaworu’s gently resting on top of his own. The other was still watching the receding couple as he wove his fingers between Shinji’s so that he was holding his hand in a light grip. Heart racing, Shinji was unable to look away from where Kaworu’s white hand laid on top of his. He could feel the familiar rubbery skin and metal joints. _Kaworu is holding my hand,_ Shinji felt like his heart was ready to jump out of his throat. 

“You are nervous.” Kaworu observed. “Should I stop?” 

“No.” Shinji squeaked, humiliated by the crack in his voice. “No um…” he hesitantly twisted his hand in Kaworu’s grip, tangling their fingers together. _His hand feels like a dolls,_ Shinji marveled. He was sure his face was flaming red, but Shinji was busy trying to keep himself from ripping his arm away. He wanted this—thought about this constantly— but was so terrified that he also wanted Kaworu to drop his hand in disgust. _Kaworu would never do that though…_ and maybe that’s why he held his ground. “…this is okay.” 

Shinji’s palm was sweating heavily against Kaworu’s slippery skin, and he would have been embarrassed if he knew the other could feel it. After a few minutes of companionable silence, his nerves began to simmer. Shinji focused on the wood against his back and the light breeze shuffling through his hair. The air smelled like fresh cut grass; bird song provided a relaxed soundtrack. Closing his eyes, Shinji sighed. He hadn’t felt this at ease for a long time. 

Something light and wispy tickled Shinji’s cheek. Weight pressed down on his shoulder and Shinji found himself abruptly inhaling a nose full of fluffy hair. The relief was gone instantly as he snapped open his eyes. 

Kaworu was resting his head against Shinji’s shoulder. The boy was unable to view Kaworu’s eyes due to his erratic white hair clogging most of his vision. He wondered if Kaworu could hear how erratic his heartbeat had become. 

“Sorry.” Kaworu quickly lifted his head. “That was rather forward.” 

_Maybe he could hear my heart,_ Shinji squeezed Kaworu’s hand, pent up anxiety he didn’t know had built quickly dispelled from his frame. 

“No it’s just,” Shinji piped, unsure of why he still needed to cling to the other’s hand, “that’s something couples usually do.” 

“Couples.” 

“Like, a girl and a boy. A boyfriend and girlfriend.” 

“Or two boys and two girls. Homosexuality is common in human beings.” 

Shinji felt like there was molten lava beneath his cheeks and as if his face might melt off. 

“Uh, yeah that too I guess…” He mumbled. 

“Would you be able to think of me as your boyfriend, Shinji?” Kaworu’s eyes threatened to swallow him whole. 

“Wh-What?” Shinji pulled his hand away at this, feeling a little guilty at the slight fall of Kaworu’s expression. 

“I know I am not human, but I have the capacity to feel. My feelings for you surpass that of friendship.” Kaworu paused in the way he usually did when trying to explain something difficult. “I think that what I am feeling is love.” 

Shinji stared at the android sitting next to him with wide uncertain eyes. His hands shook from the safety of his pockets. His instincts told him to run but it felt like the weight of the world was keeping him glued to the bench. This couldn't be happening. _Don’t you dare say it._

“I think that I love you, Shinji Ikari.” 

The birds stopped chirping, the breeze stopped blowing, and the children stopped playing. In that moment it felt like there was nothing. Nothing but Shinji and Kaworu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, happy new year! It's 2016 what's up with that? Anyway, again, thank you so much to those of you who leave your comments and thoughts they are so nice to read and really get me chugging on the next update! I hope you guys like this chapter, I have a pretty awesome one coming up for yah. See you next time!


	10. Kissing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a few people like to read with music, so I put a playlist on my tumblr (woruds) that really speak for the fic and help a lot with the story's mood. So if you want something in the background or just want to check it out, that's there I guess lol

Acceptance came to him far too easily. Having been so starved of affection, it was no wonder Shinji had developed feelings for the first person—no, _thing—_ that treated him well. But, this wasn’t actually supposed to happen. His plan was to ignore the insistent emotions; they’d go away just like they always did.  


Except they didn’t.  


And now Kaworu had told him that he loved him.  


Shinji wanted to run, but he also wanted to hold Kaworu’s hand again and spill everything he’d been bottling up inside. Both options had their pros and cons. _No one’s ever told me they love me before._ Shinji didn’t even know how to respond. And despite his internal dilemma, he knew Kaworu was being genuine. Shinji refused to believe the android would lie.  


It was all on him.  


The longer the silence lasted, the more things started to come back into focus. _We’re at the park,_ Shinji reminded himself, listening to the birdsong and children teasing. _We’re at the park and Kaworu just told me he loved me._ If he didn’t run, what happened then? Would he tell Kaworu he loved him too? Did he even love Kaworu back? _I can’t run away,_ he decided bravely.  


Never taking his eyes off him, Kaworu observed every twitch in Shinji’s body. Unblinking, the other waited for him to respond. “Um,” Shinji swallowed, “I’m-I’m sorry I don’t know how to—”  


“You do not love me as well.” Kaworu cocked his head to the side. “I have made you nervous again.”  


“No!” Shinji exclaimed. “No, it’s not that—it’s not that I don’t,” he cringed, the word feeling foreign on his tongue, “ _love_ you back. I just don’t really know how I feel?” Kaworu’s head remained tilted and Shinji sighed in exasperation. He could barely describe his feelings to himself, let alone to a robot who wasn’t very experienced with them. But as time went on he found himself gaining more confidence. “No one has ever admitted to…loving me before so I don’t really know what to do.” His heart hammered against his ribs as he reached for Kaworu’s hand. It took a moment for him to respond to the touch, and when he did his hand twisted in Shinji’s immediately to grip it. _Ow,_ despite the hold being a little tight, Shinji opted not to say anything. “But, I like you too…a lot…I just don’t know if I can call it love.”  


“More than friendship, less than love?” Kaworu offered, transfixed by their joined hands.  


“Yeah.” Shinji blushed. “Something like that, I guess.”  


The smile that touched Kaworu’s lips was so warm that Shinji forgot about everyone else and it was just the two of them again.  


“I think I was built just to meet you, Shinji.”

***

The plans Shinji had written for the day didn’t exactly happen. Instead, the pair walked a little more around the park before heading back to Misato’s house. Shinji couldn’t ignore their hands clasped together as they walked, making them look like an odd couple. Kaworu had loosened his grip after Shinji complained that it was too tight. The boy felt self conscious for the first few minutes of walking, but after a while he enjoyed himself. This is what it was like to have someone care about you.  


The walk to Misato’s apartment didn’t take as long as the walk to the park, but Kaworu would still stop to ask about anything that gained his interest.  


“Is it not common for two humans holding hands to kiss as well?” Kaworu asked as they were waiting at a crosswalk. “If I am not mistaken there are multiple ways that two people show their affection for one another.”  


Shinji almost ripped his hand from Kaworu’s to sprint in the other direction. “I mean, I guess!” Shinji squawked, feeling warm despite the chilly weather. “But-but people don’t do that kind of stuff in public.” He tugged Kaworu forward the second the walk signal blinked.  


“Oh.” Kaworu seemed to ponder this as Shinji dragged him across the road.  


_I don’t even want to think about that…_ but that didn’t stop Shinji’s mind from running rampant the rest of the way home. Luckily, Kaworu was too distracted by his surroundings to bring it up again.  


Misato had stuffed the oven with some kind of frozen meal by the time the two of them came back to the complex. She stood in the middle of the kitchen, holding a large box and squinting at the directions on the back. At hearing the door shut Misato glanced away from the package. She smiled brightly, tossing the box to the side.  


“I was wondering where you two were.” Misato chirped, spinning to adjust the timer on the oven. “A little longer and I would have sent NERV out looking for you.”  


“We-we were just at the park!” Shinji cried, the last thing he wanted was NERV coming and taking Kaworu away earlier than usual.  


“Calm down, Shinji, I was just joking.” Misato giggled. “But let me know where you’re going next time.” Her gaze traveled down the length of their arms and came to a rest where Shinji’s hand was still grasping Kaworu’s. Eyes widening, Shinji dropped the robot’s hand like it had burned him. Misato pursed her lips, turning back to the oven. Kaworu’s eyes darted between the two before asking,  


“What are you making?”  


“Dinner.” Misato replied unhelpfully. “It’ll be ready in half an hour.” She marched to the fridge and pulled out a beer. “So how was the park?”  


“Um, it was okay.” Shinji shrugged, his face painted pink.  


“Mhm? What did you think of it, Kaworu?”  


“I thought it was very lovely.” Kaworu smiled. “There is so much for me to observe that I have trouble processing all of it, but the things human beings have accomplished is truly inspiring. I am grateful to have this opportunity to see it all with Shinji.”  


“Um,” Shinji blurted, “I need to wash up for dinner. Kaworu, you can wait in my room.” He grabbed the android’s wrist and tugged him toward the hall. Kaworu followed with a slightly confused expression.  


Misato sighed, rolling her eyes and taking a seat at the dining table. She took a nice long slurp of beer. After reviewing the tapes of Shinji and Kaworu together, it would take a fool not to notice the chemistry between the two. Shinji seemed to have a crush on the robot, and it was so obvious that Misato almost found it funny. But Kaworu…that was harder. He seemed genuine enough whenever he spoke with Shinji. _But is it even possible for a machine to have such complex emotions?_ She twisted the can in her hand.  


Either way, the two were definitely close, and Misato’s suspicion was just solidified when she saw them holding hands. _This complicates things, though._ How would it affect the data to have Shinji and Kaworu in some sort of relationship? Was this thought out? Was it planned? And if it was planned, why? _What would Gendo gain from this?_  


Reaching into her pocket, Misato pulled out the ID she’d found in Shinji’s room. _An all access pass, where did he get this?_ Not even Misato had a green clearance. She could definitely use it to answer some questions about Kaworu. She might also be able to use this relationship between the two as well. _If Kaworu actually does like Shinji as much as he seems…_  


Then who ever had influence over Shinji had influence over Kaworu. _Has that been the goal all along?_

***

 _This is awkward,_ Shinji thought as he stuffed a shrimp into his mouth. Kaworu sat across from him, watching him eat with interest. Misato was positioned at the head of the table, watching Kaworu between mouthfuls of food and beer. It was silent.  


“You know,” Misato clacked her chopsticks together to gain Kaworu’s attention, “you’re so life-like that I forgot you don’t even eat.”  


“Eating would serve no purpose to my function. I do not need to consume energy to produce energy.”  


“Yeah yeah. I would be jealous, but food is just too damn good. You’re really missing out, maybe we can upgrade you some time.” She joked. Shinji appreciated the light atmosphere Misato was trying to achieve. But he could tell that she was holding back questions she wanted to ask.  


Questions about SEELE, and what their plans were for him.  


“It would be pleasant to taste.” Kaworu decided.  


“What would happen if you ate something?” Shinji wondered. Kaworu pondered the question for a moment.  


“Nothing, I suppose.” He replied. “There is a speaker at the back of my throat that produces my voice, so I would not be able to perform the act of swallowing.”  


“Huh. That’s pretty unfortunate, eh Shinji?” Misato raised her eyebrows with a smirk and grabbed her drink. Shinji’s face lit up immediately.  


“M-Misato!” He screeched, horrified. _What is she implying!_  


“Shinji, I was not aware that you were concerned with my swallowing capabilities.” Kaworu said, clueless.  


Misato almost snorted beer out her nose as Shinji slammed his head down on the table in embarrassment.  


“Are you alright?” Kaworu wondered in concern, reaching a slender arm across the table to touch Shinji’s head. Shinji popped up, his ears burning.  


“Yeah, I’m done.” He grabbed his plate and stopped next to Misato. “Are you finished?” The young woman just nodded between snickers as Shinji snatched her plate. He brought them both to the sink and rinsed them off.  


_I can’t believe Misato would say something like that,_ he thought as he scrubbed at the white ceramic. _At least Kaworu didn’t understand…_ Shinji sighed, sticking the plates in the dishwasher.  


The evening panned out relatively smoothly after that. Misato suggested that they watch movies together. Fitting all three of them on the futon was a little tight, but it was comfortable. Shinji had to bat Kaworu away from reaching for his hand. He was too embarrassed to do that kind of thing in front of Misato. The android clearly didn’t understand, but dropped it after Shinji refused so many times.  


Shinji was bored about halfway through the second film and Misato wasn’t even paying attention as she tapped away on her phone. However, Kaworu was enraptured, his red eyes swallowing every moment. Shinji found it more amusing to watch Kaworu than the movie. _He looks like a statue,_ he marveled. Kaworu didn’t blink, didn’t even move as the film continued. At one point, Shinji became paranoid that Kaworu had shut off so he poked the robot experimentally and Kaworu turned to give him a questioning look.  


By the third movie Misato claimed she was tired and left to her room. Shinji and Kaworu were the only ones on the futon now. This was the third romantic comedy in a row—since that’s all Misato seemed to own—and Shinji was just about ready to blow his brains out; but he didn’t want to turn off the TV since Kaworu seemed to be enjoying it so much.  


Biting his lower lip, Shinji reached out for Kaworu’s hand. Kaworu turned his attention away from the television immediately.  
“I just,” Shinji mumbled, “I didn’t want to do that with Misato in the room.” He explained, squeezing the other’s pale hand and feeling warm inside when Kaworu grasped his back.  


“Are you embarrassed?” Kaworu asked, the film forgotten.  


“A little.” Shinji admitted. _Actually a lot,_ if he were being honest. “You’re not, though.”  


“No.” Kaworu granted.  


“S-Sorry.” Shinji ducked his head. Would Kaworu find it insulting?  


“It is okay. Embarrassment is a natural human response.”  


_Of course he wouldn’t._  


“Shinji?” Kaworu shifted his position so that he was completely facing the boy. “Do you remember what I asked on the walk back from the park?” Kaworu reached for Shinji’s other hand. Face burning, Shinji glanced down at their conjoined hands, unable to look Kaworu in the eyes.  


“Huh?” He blurted.  


“About the multiple ways humans show affection.” Kaworu supplied patiently. _Oh, that._ Shinji swallowed.  


“Yeah.” Shinji bit his lip as Kaworu brought their hands up between them. It was an awkward and cliché pose that Kaworu was clearly mimicking from one of the previous films. Shinji forced their hands back into his lap, unwilling to look so ridiculous.  


“Would it be okay if we kissed? Only if you wanted to, of course.”  


“Um,” _what if Misato comes back,_ “do _you_ want to?” Shinji’s hands were sweating.  


“Yes.” Kaworu replied easily.  


“Okay, um, we can quick.” He said, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Misato wasn’t anywhere to be seen.  


Closing his eyes, Shinji leaned forward and pursed his lips. He’d never kissed anyone before, but neither had Kaworu—obviously—so he wasn’t too worried about what kind of impression this would leave. He inhaled sharply through his nose as his lips came into contact with the other’s. Kaworu’s lips felt rubbery and stiff under his own. He applied a little more pressure and felt Kaworu do the same, copying all of Shinji’s movements.  


This was the awkward part, where Shinji didn’t know whether to pull away or take the kiss farther.  


Squeezing Kaworu’s hands, Shinji opened his mouth shyly as he applied more pressure. Kaworu followed suit, tilting his head ever so slightly to make the connection more seamless. Unsure of where to go from here, Shinji pressed his lips closed, daring to catch Kaworu’s bottom lip and suck on it for a split second before pulling away. It left a weird synthetic taste on his tongue.  


Shinji gulped down air, his heart bursting in his chest. The kiss couldn’t have been more than a few seconds but he felt like he was holding his breath for minutes. Letting go of Kaworu’s hands, Shinji fiddled with his hoodie.  


“Um,” Shinji coughed, glancing up at the robot.  


Kaworu was sitting deathly still, his eyes wide. _Did I break him?_ Shinji panicked, until a large smile tugged at the corners of the android’s mouth. The pale skin around Kaworu’s lips was shiny with drool. Horrified, Shinji realized that it must be his own. He didn’t _feel_ like he was drooling at all. Without a word he swiped his hoodie sleeve over the still-smiling robot’s mouth.  


“Did that make you happy, Shinji?” Kaworu inquired.  


“Yes.” Shinji breathed, trying to smile with confidence but failing. “W-What about you?”  


“It made me very happy. I hope that we can do it again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter got longer than planned AGAIN. Anyway, thanks again to everyone that left a comment I fall in love with every little thing anyone says ;u ;. ESPECIALLY to those of you who have been leaving comments since the beginning like ahhh it's good to see you keep enjoying the story. ANYWAYS, enough of that, I'll see you next time and hope you enjoyed it!


	11. Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO before I start I just want to thanks qkawo for proofing this because I can't proof my own work for the life of me! ALSO kaworu-05 on tumblr made really beautiful pieces of fanart for Artificial and I am so grateful wow ;u ; thank you so much!

“So, I know you don’t sleep,” Shinji mumbled, staring at the blankets on his bedroom floor. “But I made up this bed for you anyway. You can lay there during the night, or-or watch tv in the living room. I’m sure Misato won’t mind, as long as you’re quiet.” Shinji padded over to his dresser, digging through it to find his night clothes. 

“I would like to stay here with you.” He heard Kaworu say from the doorway. Shinji blushed as he pulled out his neatly folded pajamas. 

“You’re not going to just sit there and stare at me all night, are you?” Shinji joked, turning to face the android in his doorway. 

“Not if you do not want me to.” Kaworu replied with a tilt of the head. _Don’t tell me he was planning that,_ Shinji shook his head, ignoring the warm feeling in his stomach. 

“I’m,” he coughed, “I’m going to go change.” Shuffling past Kaworu, Shinji shut himself in the bathroom across the hall. He pulled off his shirt, glancing at his reflection in the mirror above the sink. He was thin, his limbs long and spindly as his body grew, but definitely not toned. Frowning, Shinji squished his stomach as he remembered the smooth plain of Kaworu’s torso—or what little he saw of it. He briefly wondered what Kaworu would look like without any clothes on. 

_Stop being weird,_ Shinji reprimanded, picking up his night shirt and pulling it over his head. He wore a large brown t-shirt, probably two sizes too big, and a pair of gray sweatpants. Shinji picked up his discarded clothes from the bathroom floor once he was done changing and headed back to his room. 

Kaworu was sitting on his made-up bed in his usual white t-shirt and a pair of skin-tight black spandex that ended halfway down his thigh. Shinji flushed, forcefully ripping his eyes from Kaworu’s legs. He saw his pants and grey sweatshirt neatly folded in the corner of the room. 

Shinji cleared his throat, kicking his bedroom door shut as he tossed his clothes next to his dresser. Kaworu’s eyes followed Shinji as he walked from his closet to his mattress, plopping down with a huff. Turning his head to the side, Shinji saw Kaworu sitting on the floor staring at him. 

“Like I said before.” Shinji reached for the lamp sitting on his bedside table. “You can watch tv in the other room.” He clicked off the light, the tiny room now only illuminated by the faint moonlight outside his window. 

Shinji could make out Kaworu’s outline. The white of the robot’s skin seemed to absorb the moon’s light. _He looks like he belongs in the dark,_ Shinji thought as Kaworu stood up in a fluid motion. He felt his heart sink a little. _I mean, I did say he could go in the other room,_ but to Shinji’s surprise Kaworu took a step towards the bed. Slender legs filled his vision until Kaworu’s face was in front of his so fast that he jumped back in surprise. 

Kaworu smiled, as if he found Shinji’s startle amusing. “Goodnight, Shinji.” Leaning forward, Kaworu’s rubbery lips pecked Shinji’s forehead. 

Shinji stared forward, his eyes wide, and continued staring long after Kaworu left the room. 

“Goodnight.” Shinji murmured, he felt giddy as he turned over and tried to get some rest. 

*** 

Warm lips pressed against his own, his body flush on top of another. Shinji huffed, warmth sliding down his body as he shifted his hips forward, rolling them against the squirming body beneath him. He pulled away to suck in a cool breath, jolting as he was rubbed in the right— 

Shinji’s eyes snapped open. 

His stare was met with the blank bedroom wall. Shinji hissed through his teeth, feeling sweaty and aggravatingly aroused. His hand dove under the waistband of his sweatpants only to find himself incredibly hard. Shinji closed his eyes again, and without really thinking about it, began to run his hand up and down. 

“Mmph,” Shinji buried his head in his pillow, shifting his hips against the movement of his hand. He didn’t really have to think about anything, the dream left him bothered enough to where he just needed to finish himself off. He stifled another quiet mewl, remembering how thin Misato’s walls were. If she ever heard him, he’d never hear the end of it. 

“Shinji?” 

_Oh my God,_ Shinji froze at the familiar voice. Too horrified to move, he stayed perfectly still, hoping Kaworu would assume he was asleep. _I forgot he was here, how could I forget he was here!_

“Shinji, are you alright?” A hand pressed to his shoulder and flipped him over on his back. Shinji swallowed, retracting his hand from his pants and hoping the blankets didn’t give him away. 

Kaworu was standing next to his bed staring down at him. Soft red light shined from the android’s eyes. 

“You have been shifting and making distressed noises for a while now.” Kaworu said, taking in Shinji’s flustered appearance. “I was worried that you might have been having a nightmare.” 

“N-No uh…” _a while now? How long has he been here?_ “I’m okay.” Shinji sat up slowly, keeping the covers protectively bunched around his groin. Glancing at the shut door, Shinji bit his lip. He had to make it to the bathroom somehow without Kaworu noticing, maybe then he could finish himself off. 

“Your breathing is labored and you appear feverish.” Kaworu leaned down, his face just inches from the boy’s. Shinji had to squint against the red light. “And your pupils are dilated.” 

Shinji pushed Kaworu’s face away, wishing his heart would stop pounding in his chest. “I-I thought you were watching a movie.” Shinji desperately tried to change the subject, hoping he’d calm down as more time went by. 

“Shinji, are you aroused?” Kaworu questioned, ignoring Shinji’s previous statement. 

“K-Kaworu!” Shinji hissed, his face flushing deep red as he squeezed his blanket in tight fists. _What kind of situation is this? This doesn’t happen to normal people!_

“There is no need to be embarrassed, humans your age are particularly—” 

“Stop.” Shinji shook his head. He figured it’d be no use, Kaworu already knew anyway. “I’m just going to go back to sleep.” He rolled over, ignoring the hot feeling in his pants. The mattress dipped as though Kaworu took a seat on the side of it. Shinji squeezed his eyes shut, unsure of how this situation could get any worse. 

“You do not want me to touch you?” 

_I guess it could get worse._

“W-What?” Shinji shot up, spinning around to see his suspicions were correct. Kaworu was sitting at the edge of his mattress innocently, his legs folded beneath him. 

“I would like to be intimate with you.” Kaworu reached out to where Shinji’s hands were glued to the blanket’s edge. He gently pried them from the comforter. Shinji’s pulse jumped. This night was going to give him a heart attack. 

“You-you don’t,” he swallowed, Kaworu’s words stirring up weird feelings inside of him, “you don’t have to.” 

“I want to.” _I should just go back to sleep, pretend this didn’t happen. I should tell Kaworu to leave, or-or go to the bathroom or something…_

Shinji allowed himself to stop thinking so much. 

Tugging his hands out of the android’s hold Shinji grabbed Kaworu’s face, leaning forward and meshing the robot's lips with his own. It was awkward as Shinji tried to figure out what to do with his mouth. He pressed close, sealing his mouth over Kaworu’s bottom lip and sucking in. Kaworu mimicked him, doing the same to his upper lip. It sent excited jolts up and down his spine. 

Pulling away, Shinji gulped down a breath of air, and took in the sight of Kaworu’s flawless face between his hands. He could almost pretend Kaworu was blushing, cheeks bathed in the red light of his eyes. 

Shinji’s hands slid down Kaworu’s neck, and he marveled at how smooth and flawless everything about the other was. _How could something so perfect love me?_ Kaworu’s eyes remained locked on Shinji, as if the boy could disappear at any moment. 

Shinji swallowed, reaching for one of Kaworu’s hands that was folded in his lap. Hesitating, he shyly brought the other’s hand to his waist, guiding it to the bulge in his sweatpants. Shinji inhaled sharply as he pressed Kaworu’s palm against himself. He rolled his hips up into the touch, guiding Kaworu to rub him. 

“A-Ah,” Shinji breathed as Kaworu seemed to pick up what Shinji wanted and began palming his erection through his pajamas. He was unable to tear his gaze from that white hand, too embarrassed to face the other. A part of him knew this was weird, that this was too fast and nothing he’d ever done before. But a bigger part of him didn’t care because this was Kaworu and everything felt so good. 

Kaworu’s mouth was on his neck, leaving small kisses as he clumsily rubbed Shinji. One of Shinji’s hands found purchase in Kaworu’s soft hair, grabbing fistfuls as he kept Kaworu at his neck. The other latched onto the underside of his jaw and began to suck. It was strange, feeling Kaworu’s dry synthetic tongue lick at his skin, but the sensation was pleasurable all the same. Tilting his head, Shinji bit down on his lower lip, trying to keep himself from making too much noise. 

Soon Shinji grabbed Kaworu’s wrist from where he’d been palming his dick. The android pulled away to stare at him curiously. 

“H-Here.” Shinji huffed, inviting Kaworu to dip his hand below the waistband of his pants and touch him. He was growing impatient, and his need for release chased off any embarrassment. Kaworu wrapped his hand around the base of Shinji’s length. He shivered at the touch, his muscles clenching in anticipation. Kaworu squeezed and Shinji released a strangled mewl. 

“Ow, no.” Shinji cracked his eyes open, releasing Kaworu’s hair to clutch at the other’s shoulder. “U-up and down.” 

Kaworu loosened his grip considerably and began to jerk his cupped hand up and down Shinji’s cock. The brunette gasped, shuddering and bucking up into the motion. It wasn’t how he handled himself at all but it was _Kaworu_ touching him this way. His body felt like it was on fire, and he could feel the tension inside him building and building until it would inevitably burst. 

“F-Faster...” Shinji begged as he bucked into Kaworu’s grip. He clung on the robot’s shoulders, his fists balling up the fabric of Kaworu’s white shirt. His mind went blank as Kaworu stroked him quicker. He was only capable of feeling the tingling that traveled down his spine and collected in his pants. He was on the edge. 

Groaning, Shinji arched as he came, tugging Kaworu towards him. His sweaty head fell forward into the crook of Kaworu’s neck. His body twitched as his organism came to an end, and Kaworu eventually stopped pumping as Shinji grew flaccid in his hand. 

Shinji relaxed his arms but made no action to move until he felt Kaworu tug his hand from his pants. Swallowing, Shinji sat up sluggishly as he let go of Kaworu’s shirt. 

The andoid held up his hand, his thumb and pointer finger partially covered in a sticky white substance. Suddenly, the situation hit Shinji like a train, and he was mortified. 

“S-Stay there.” Shinji shot up from his mattress and waddled over to his closet. He had to deal with the mess between his legs as well. Picking up a dirty shirt, he made his way back to the bed, wiping off Kaworu’s hand before sticking it down his pants and cleaning that area as well. After everything was somewhat cleaned up the two just sat in silence. 

_Did that really just happen?_ Shinji bit the inside of his cheek, unsure if he should feel happy or ashamed. _Kaworu just…_ he shook his head. 

“Shinji?” Kaworu’s voice rang through the dark room. Shinji opted to stare at his mattress rather than lift his gaze. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, twisting his hands in his lap. 

“You are sorry?” 

“Yeah.” Shinji sighed, flopping down and staring at the ceiling. “You—you—that was-” 

“I said that I wanted to.” Kaworu crawled to the clear side of the bed, where he laid down on his side to face the boy. Shinji turned his head, blue eyes meeting red. 

“I know. But I’ve never done… _that…_ with anyone before.” Shinji swallowed, his limbs felt like heavy noodles. “I know you said you wanted to, I just don’t understand why I guess.” 

“What is there to understand?” Kaworu’s arm was bent at the elbow, holding his head up as he stared down at Shinji. "I want to make you happy because I love you.” 

“You make it seem so simple.” Shinji murmured. 

“It is that simple.” Kaworu chuckled. “The human body is capable of producing such intriguing feelings. It is honest, and does not apologize for what it feels.” Kaworu reached out, his fingers trailing over Shinji’s arm. The touch was so faint it could have been wind. “So why should you?” 

Shinji closed his eyes, trying to heed Kaworu’s words and make sense of what just happened. It wasn’t long before he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I won't take as long writing the next chapter as I did this one hahahaaaa yeah so things will get a little more plot heavy from here ohh no. 
> 
> Thanks again and always to those of you who left your thoughts, I honestly can't tell you how awesome you are and how much those comments make my day! See you next time.


	12. Fear

Shinji was jolted awake by a frantic hand on his shoulder.  


“What?” He blinked, sitting up and shrugging Misato’s grasp from his shoulder. The young woman’s hair was slung up in a messy ponytail, she was wearing nothing but a pale yellow tank top and some white pajama shorts. Her phone was clutched tightly in one hand while the other found relief in brushing her bangs out of her face.  


“Where’s TABRIS? Tell me you know where he is?”  


_He’s not here?_ Shinji was much more awake as he stood up from his bed, looking around his room as though the android could be hiding somewhere. “What? Kaworu’s gone? He was here last night.” He blushed at the memory.  


“Well he’s not here now!” Misato threw her arms up, stomping out of the room. Shinji continued to hear her ramble from the hall. “This morning the front door was wide open, we’re lucky no one wandered in and robbed the place!”  


Shinji jogged out after her, his stomach sick with worry. _Why would Kaworu leave? Where would he go?_ Misato stood in the kitchen, tapping at her phone. _Why would he leave me?_  


_“You should not be involved with NERV.”_  


The memory was like a physical smack to the face. Shinji padded into the kitchen beside Misato, his stomach lurching.  


He recalled last night and how Kaworu had touched him. Remembering something so intimate would embarrass Shinji in any regular situation, but now he was plagued with thoughts of, _what if that was the last time I saw him?_  


Misato’s angry tapping pulled Shinji from the panic in his own head. “What are you doing?” He whimpered, watching Misato hold the cell to her ear.  


“Contacting headquarters.” She responded. “I’ll be lucky if I don’t lose my job for this.”  


“What?” Alarm seized Shinji’s heart in an electrical grip. “You can’t! You-You don’t know if Kaworu’s even missing yet!”  


“Well he’s not here!” Misato exclaimed, mirroring Shinji’s horror with frustration.  


“He might come back!” Shinji found himself grabbing Misato’s arm, yanking the phone away from her ear.  


“Shinji!” Misato gasped, holding her phone in a vice grip as she tried to release herself from Shinji’s grasp. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? NERV can track TABRIS down!” She tried pushing the boy away with her other hand. He twisted his body so that it came into contact with his back, slamming his side into her.  


“They might hurt him; they might shut him off!” In Shinji’s blind desperation he grabbed hold of Misato’s wrist and used his other hand to try and pry the phone from her hold.  


“Who the hell cares!” Misato cried, too surprised by Shinji’s actions to properly hold him off. “It’s a fucking _robot!”_ The phone flung from her hand and landed on the tile floor with a loud crack.  


The two stood frozen, staring at the cell’s shattered black screen.  


Misato slapped Shinji across the face.  


He let go of her immediately, staggering back and holding a hand to the tingling skin on his left cheek.  
“You will never put your hands on me like that again.” Misato warned. Shinji nodded but remained silent, his eyes glued to the floor. Maybe he should apologize, that’s what Misato would want, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t sorry that he broke her phone. _He’s not just a robot._  


The room was still and thick with uncomfortable silence; the tension finally cut by a jiggle of the door knob and a few short knocks. Misato left the room. Shinji stayed where he was.  


He heard the door unlock as Misato tugged it open, as well as a sharp intake of breath. “Where-Where the hell have you been?” She growled. Spinning around, Shinji’s stomach flipped. He saw a familiar shock of white hair before Kaworu stepped out of the doorway.  


“I wanted to see the ocean. However, I did not want to trouble waking anyone.” Kaworu looked past Misato and made eye contact with Shinji. The android gave him a questioning look before Misato grabbed Kaworu’s shoulder.  


“You aren’t allowed to leave without having me or Shinji with you.” The woman suddenly seemed exhausted, her fingers clamped over Kaworu’s shoulder so hard her knuckles turned white. “I was told that had been made clear back at NERV.”  


“I am sorry.” Kaworu watched Misato slowly retract her hand. “Truly. I must have forgotten. I am sorry for any worry I may have caused you.”  


“You’re telling me you forgot that kind of information?” Misato didn’t seem to buy Kaworu’s explanation. “The closest beach is miles from here. You walked all the way there?”  


“Yes.”  


“Do you realize how that sounds?” Misato rubbed her forehead in frustration. “I’m going to ask you again, where were you?”  


“I was at the beach.” Kaworu remained cool, his lack of expression making him impossible to read. Misato stared at him hard and long.  


“You’re not to leave this apartment again, not without me. I don’t care who you’re with.” She glanced at Shinji, who still stood in the kitchen with wide eyes.  


“Understood.”  


“Otherwise, you can guarantee being locked up in NERV for a long time.” Kaworu’s eyes trailed Misato as she walked to the kitchen to pick up her broken phone. She ignored Shinji as she took out a beer and made her way to the living room, turning on the tv.  


Shinji didn’t dare move until he was sure Misato was occupied. Kaworu remained at the door, red gaze focused on him. The relief Shinji felt as he walked to the other was like a giant warm wave engulfing him head to toe. _Of course he wouldn’t leave me._ Shinji was ashamed that he even thought Kaworu would abandon him. But it also made him worry. What would he do if Kaworu suddenly disappeared? Shinji’s life before was like a monotonous blur. It was empty and lonely.  


What did Shinji have if he didn’t have Kaworu?  


_I don’t want to think about it._  


“I hope that I did not worry you too much.” Kaworu apologized once Shinji was in front of him. “I was hoping to return before you woke.”  


“Why would you go alone at night?” Shinji wondered, noticing how Misato turned down the volume to whatever she was watching. Kaworu blinked, and his lack of response tickled Shinji’s suspicion. _He wouldn’t lie. Not to me,_ he tried to quell it.  


“I do not know.” Kaworu eventually replied.  


Shinji’s shoulders sagged. Noticing the motion, Kaworu reached out, taking the boy’s hand in his own. Squeezing their conjoined hands, Shinji glanced at Misato before pulling Kaworu to his room. He only let go of the other to shut the door.  


“You do not believe me.” Kaworu said, watching Shinji plop onto his mattress.  


“We could have gone together.” Shinji mumbled, staring at the ceiling.  


“I am sorry.” Kaworu apologized again. He felt the mattress dip at the other’s presence. “Were you afraid I left you?”  


Shinji nodded.  


“Shinji, know this.” Kaworu placed his hand on Shinji’s cheek so the boy’s head would turn to face him. “I was built to meet you. I will never leave you.”  


He looked up at Kaworu’s perfect face, at his perfect red eyes. The lenses of Kaworu’s pupils shrunk as they focused on him.  


_“It’s a fucking robot!”_  


“Misato was going to call NERV.” He said, sitting up. “Do you remember telling me to stay away? Why did you tell me that? What is my father planning?”  


“Are you familiar with fear?” Kaworu inquired. The question threw Shinji off, _what does that have to do with anything?_  


“Uh yes…yeah of course.” Shinji responded, furrowing his brow in bewilderment.  


“When I was first made, there were emotions that I considered strictly human.” Kaworu was looking past Shinji now, somewhere unknown. “I knew that I could feel joy when I played the piano. I knew I felt a high level of curiosity for the world around me. But sadness, loneliness, and fear were all things I considered part of the human condition.” Kaworu’s eyes were back on Shinji. “A long time ago you asked me if I was lonely.”  


“I did.” Shinji murmured, remembering.  


“I did not feel loneliness because I believed it served me no purpose. However as I grew to know you, I felt myself longing for your presence when you were not there. That is when I discovered there are no emotions reserved for humans. I learned that once something is given its own consciousness—its own sense of self—there is no choosing which emotions to feel and which to dispel. To have individuality is to have feeling.”  


“I don’t understand…” Shinji frowned. “What does this have to do with NERV and my father?”  


“I did not know that I could be fearful. But when I think of how you may judge me if you knew everything," Kaworu looked away, "I find myself afraid.”

***

Rei’s room was simple. Held deep inside NERV its walls were bare concrete with no windows. There was a white bed in the corner, a small desk next to it, and a dresser on the opposite side of the room.  
She sat in the desk chair, staring at a worn photo held loosely in her pale hand. It was of a woman holding a small child in her arms. She’d found it in Gendo Ikari’s office.  


_I am not you._ She thought, staring at the woman’s face. She was nearly identical, the only difference was her hair and eyes. Her attention moved from the woman to the boy she held. _Shinji Ikari._ She had given him an all access ID but he hadn’t used it.  


_Why did I do that?_ Rei wondered, placing the photo on her desk. No one had ordered her to. It was an action she did on her own.  


She remembered something TABRIS had asked when he first arrived.  


_“Who are you?” He questioned._  


_“Rei.”_  


_TABRIS seemed to swallow her in a starving gaze from his side of the glass. “You are made for the future. Just like me.”_  


_“Yes.”_  


_“Are we the same?”_  


_“No.” She knew this for certain. She was not like him, she had a beating heart, had bones and tissue._  


_“I see." He considered her for a moment. ”I am Kaworu." The android smiled._  


_“You are TABRIS.” Rei didn’t understand._  


_“TABRIS is the name given to a series of artificially intelligent androids. I am Kaworu.” His smile stretched wider. “Rei, who are you?”_  


"I do not know.” She whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm studying abroad in Perth Australia this coming semester (I leave valentines day hoho), I think I might be able to squeeze in two more updates before then. But, around the 14th - 20th there won't really be many updates because I'll be settling in to a completely new place. Don't worry though! Once I've got my stuff together updates will come out regularly again, you can count on it! 
> 
> BUT like always, thanks for all the support you guys have left for the story so far! Seriously, it gets me so excited to share new chapters knowing that it can make a person's day! Anyway, please let me know your thoughts in the comments and, like always, I'll see you next time!


	13. Someone on the Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lady-daedalus on tumblr made a cute piece of fan art and I just wanted to say thank you again, it was so cute!

Shinji spent the rest of the day with Kaworu in his room. He was a little disappointed that he didn’t get to show Kaworu around more, but he wasn’t ready to face Misato. The two had been ignoring each other all day. Shinji only caught glimpses of her on the couch when he’d leave his room to grab a snack. 

But, staying locked up with Kaworu in his room wasn’t bad. The two were used to spending time together in smaller areas anyway, and Shinji enjoyed showing Kaworu the internet on his ancient laptop. The android seemed to enjoy Google the most. 

“I feel as though this is more intelligent than I am.” Kaworu mused as he typed a question into the search bar. “Perhaps I should have been equipped with such technology.” 

Shinji couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at his lips. “You’d make an interesting search engine, Kaworu. But I like you the way you are.” 

“Thank you, Shinji.” Kaworu smiled. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never used the internet before…with NERV being so high tech and all…why wouldn’t they give you a computer?” 

“They believed giving me unlimited access to such information would be detrimental to their goal.” Kaworu said, clicking on a random webpage filled with cats. 

_They. Does he mean SEELE?_ Shinji hadn’t pressed Kaworu on what he meant when he said he was afraid of Shinji finding out why he was really made. Maybe he should have pushed further, he’s sure Kaworu would tell him the truth with enough persuasion. _Misato would want me to._ But the truth scared Shinji. What if he found out something he didn’t want to know? The best option was to ignore it, right? After all, Kaworu was the best thing to ever happen to him. 

So Shinji would pretend the conversation never happened. Everything would be fine. 

“It’s getting late.” Shinji noticed, staring at the time in the corner of the screen. He stood up from where they were laying on the floor, stretching his arms towards the ceiling. “I need to shower.” He grabbed his pajamas from the floor. 

“Together?” Kaworu began to stand up. 

“What?” Shinji squeaked, his face flushed. “No—no, you stay here. I thought you didn’t even need to shower!” He rubbed his cheeks as he tried to discretely hide his blush. 

“I do not. I was just wondering if you would like me to accompany you.” 

“O-Oh well,” Shinji opened the door behind him and stepped out of the room, “no thanks. I’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?” Sighing, Shinji walked to the bathroom. _Kaworu can be so forward._

As he washed himself, Shinji thought of how Kaworu was going back to NERV tomorrow: Monday. He’d already decided to skip school in order to spend as much time with Kaworu as possible before the other returned. _Maybe they’ll let him out again soon,_ Shinji hoped. He wasn’t looking forward to spending time with Kaworu while being watched—or worse—behind a glass wall again. 

If only Kaworu were normal. 

But, Kaworu wasn’t normal. 

_It’s just a robot._

Shinji’s back slid down the ceramic tiled wall as he sat down, bringing his knees to his chest. The warm water felt like little needles raining down on him. _Misato’s wrong._ Kaworu was the love Shinji had been denied his entire life. His mother died too early for him to remember her, his father left, and his guardians were more like elderly housemates than anything else. Kaworu loved him. 

But he was still a robot. 

_I don’t care._

He was a machine. 

_I don’t care._

Shinji was in love with an artificially intelligent android. 

_I don’t care!_

They would never be normal. Even if Kaworu never had to go back to NERV again, it wouldn’t change what he was. 

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care!” Shinji held his head in his hands like he was trying to crush his skull. 

He heard the bathroom door open. 

“Shinji?” Kaworu’s voice rang over the noise of the shower. Shinji’s head shot up. He tried to get to his feet as quickly as possible without slipping. Once he was standing he poked his head out between the shower curtain and wall. 

“Um, yes?” It looked like he responded just in time as he saw Kaworu’s hand reaching out to tug the curtain aside. The android dropped his arm once he saw Shinji through the humidity. 

“I thought I heard you yelling.” 

“I just—I dropped the shampoo is all.” Shinji held the curtain tightly under his chin. 

“You are alright then?” 

“Y-Yeah, fine.” 

“Okay.” The awkward exchange finally ended once Kaworu left the bathroom. Shinji sighed and stood in the shower until the water ran cold. 

*** 

“Why are we making this call without Ikari, Keel Lorenz?” 

“I have a suspicion that Gendo Ikari devices to deviate from our original plan.” 

“Where did you get that notion?” 

“He is taking too long with the girl.” 

“So what? She can remain in the dark until TABRIS is ready to trigger ADAM.” 

“I agree with Keel, Gendo has always been a selfish man. It was foolish of us to leave our trump under his roof.” 

“I hired an agent to be our insider. His orders are to watch Gendo’s moves.” 

“And what if he finds something that could expose us?” 

“He won’t. Gendo Ikari may be selfish but he isn’t stupid. None of that information will be found. The agent is under the notion that we’re concerned with the ethics of artificial intelligence.” 

“I see. Well then, has TABRIS done what was expected?” 

“Yes. Our GPS showed TABRIS leaving Katsuragi’s apartment at 3:30 in the morning, returning at 9.” 

“Excellent. The beings of the future will soon look back at our lost species and thank us for leaving the planet to more capable hands.” 

*** 

“Oops, the laptop died, I forgot to charge it.” Shinji said, staring at the computer’s white screen before it clicked off. The brightness from the screen had been the only light in the room; now they were bathed in darkness. 

Shinji and Kaworu were laying side by side on the floor watching random internet videos. Kaworu seemed to enjoy tutorials of any kind, swallowing the information like a vacuum. 

“Humans are so creative.” He would marvel. 

The videos provided a nice distraction from Shinji’s rampant thoughts. He began shuffling around for the charger under his bed. Hand wrapping around a rubber cord, Shinji squinted to make sure it was the right piece of equipment. He plugged it in behind his nightstand before connecting the cord to the laptop. The screen blinked back to life after a few seconds. 

Shinji could feel Kaworu’s eyes on him as he waited for the computer to boot up. 

“Are you okay? You have been acting strange and disconnected.” Kaworu placed his hand over Shinji’s. It wasn’t warm or cold, not like a regular person’s would be. If Shinji closed his eyes, he could pretend it belonged to a doll. 

“Kaworu,” Shinji mumbled, his eyes glued to the screen, “if you died, could you be rebooted just like this computer?” 

“Yes. I suppose.” 

“So, it’s not really dying then, is it? Not for you anyway. You’ll always start up again… But for living things it’s so final. Once you die there’s no coming back.” Kaworu’s grip tightened. 

“Shinji, I do not underst—” 

“So, like, what makes me alive is the fact that I’m not dead. But-but you…you’re like this computer. You’re not dead,” Shinji ripped the charger out of the laptop and the screen blinked off, “but you’re not alive either. So what does that make you, Kaworu? A computer? This laptop?” His voice cracked, and Shinji didn’t realize he was crying until he felt a tear crawl down his cheek. 

Kaworu released his hand only to brush the tear away. Shinji looked away, unable to face the other. He was thankful Kaworu’s eyes weren't glowing. He was thankful for the darkness. 

Kaworu remained silent by his side. 

Shinji stared at his hand clutching the sheets before his eyes widened. _What did I just say?_ His words finally caught up with him and Shinji spun around. Sitting cross legged, Kaworu was gazing at his hands folded in his lap. His face was blank of any expression, but Shinji could feel the sadness in the silence. 

He was ashamed. _How could I have said that?_

“Kaworu.” Shinji sat up, grabbing the other’s shoulder to gain his attention. It worked, Kaworu’s eyes connected with his own. “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean that.” He held a fistful of the other’s shirt. “We’re just—we’re so different and I’m scared. I’m scared that you’ll get taken away. I’m scared because we can’t be like those happy couples in the movies. I’m scared because I’m always changing and you’ll just stay the same. I’m—I’m really scared, Kaworu.” Shinji’s vision blurred as tears pooled along his lower lid. 

“Oh Shinji.” Kaworu’s arms were around him in an instant, and Shinji collapsed into his embrace. He tucked his head into the crook of Kaworu’s neck. Kaworu felt like a protective metal cage as his tears soaked into the android’s white t-shirt. “It is okay.” Kaworu murmured, running a hand gently up and down Shinji’s shaking back. “Being scared is part of being alive.” 

The boy felt Kaworu’s long fingers comb through his hair. He wrapped his arms around Kaworu’s thin torso, finding a strange comfort in the robot’s harsh angular body. The tears continued to slide down his face. 

“What we have is beautiful.” Kaworu continued. “I do not want you to be afraid, Shinji.” 

Shinji just squeezed Kaworu tighter. _I can’t let NERV take him away. I can’t let my father take him from me._

“I will not let anything come between us.” Kaworu soothed, and in his arms Shinji could almost believe it. 

*** 

“Man my ID’s lookin’ pretty gnarly.” A man chuckled to himself, staring at his new NERV identification card. He didn’t even have time to smile for the photo, and his long brown hair looked even more disheveled than usual in its loose ponytail. 

“Ah well.” He put the ID in his cup holder and returned his attention to the road. The last thing he needed was to get into an accident, Tokyo had the worst traffic. “Can’t wait for the new gig.” 

Ryoji Kaji was certain this job was going to be one to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT. So, I'm off to Australia! The next chapter will probably come out in two or three weeks max. But yeahhh things are starting to heat up, and Kaji is in the mix now woohoo! 
> 
> Thanks again to all of you who leave your thoughts, I can't tell you how much it means to me! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, tell me what you think. As always, I'll see you next time!


	14. The Core

Sleeping with Kaworu was like sleeping with a large block of metal constantly trying to constrict you during the night. Shinji didn’t complain, though. 

_“Kaworu,”_ Shinji whimpered after the last tears had fallen, _“don’t leave tonight.”_

Shinji flushed at the memory as he feigned sleep. He could feel Kaworu against his back, as well as the other’s arms wrapped around his waist. Having Kaworu cuddle him like this was oddly comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. Shinji enjoyed the robot’s presence, it made him feel safe. _Wanted._ However, Kaworu’s angular body didn’t make for the best snuggle companion. 

“Are you awake?” Kaworu’s voice inquired behind him. 

“How did you know?” Shinji whispered, not bothering to keep up the act. 

“Your breathing pattern has changed.” Kaworu replied. “You need your rest, Shinji, why do you not sleep?” 

“I can’t.” Shinji stared at his closed bedroom door. 

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” He felt Kaworu’s arms retreat. Twisting around, Shinji caught the slender white arm before it could disappear. 

“Um.” Shinji bit his lip at his sudden boldness, laying back down to face Kaworu. “No.” Kaworu’s arm returned to his waist. “No. I just—” Shinji stared at the android’s chest to avoid his eyes. “I just don’t want you to go back tomorrow.” 

He waited, and hoped to hear a comforting _“It will be okay”_ or _“I will be out again soon”_ but all he received was silence. 

“Why don’t you just…” Shinji squeezed Kaworu’s hip, his fingers slipping beneath the other’s white t-shirt and touching flawless skin. “…just run away. We could both do it. Right now. No more NERV, no more of my father—” 

“We cannot run, Shinji.” 

“Why?” Shinji frowned. He knew he could never be brave enough to abandon everything, but it was nice to entertain the idea. Just Kaworu and him, no one to tell them what to do. _No one taking advantage of us._

“Running from a problem does not properly solve it.” 

“But if the problem can’t find you—” 

“The problem can always find you.” 

“Not if you’re smart.” Shinji ran his hand along the sharp line of Kaworu’s hip. 

“Perhaps.” Kaworu allowed. “But in our scenario it is impossible not to be found. I am traceable via GPS.” 

“What?” Shinji pulled his hand back in surprise. “You-You have a tracker in you?” 

“Yes, as a precaution. If I went missing, I imagine I would cause NERV a lot of stress.” 

“So they can see where you are all the time; even right now?” His hand returned to the droid’s hip. 

“Yes.” 

“That doesn’t seem fair.” Shinji murmured. 

“I suppose.” Kaworu replied, his mechanical grip held the boy loosely. 

“Doesn’t it bother you? Have you ever—I mean…can you, like, take it out?” 

“It is possible.” Kaworu nodded. “However I do not think it would be wise for me to attempt. As far as I am aware the GPS is buried within my hardware here.” His hand left Shinji to point at his head. “Right next to my Core. Attempting to remove it could prove detrimental.” 

“Your Core?” Shinji frowned, propping himself up on one elbow. “What’s that?” 

Kaworu copied his movement. “My memories.” The android smiled, his white skin nearly glowing in the moonlight. “Except more portable. My Core can be removed as well; I just would not work very well if that were to happen.” 

_A literal memory card._ “W-What would happen?” 

“I would not be me.” Kaworu answered simply. “I would be unable to make and remember new experiences, in essence I would be useless.” 

Shinji shivered at the idea. Kaworu seemed so fragile now. _All NERV has to do is remove the Core and he’s…gone._

“Shinji? Are you alright?” Kaworu frowned. “I am sorry; I think I may have worried you.” 

“You don’t think they’d ever…” 

“Of course not.” The android replied. “NERV would never remove my Core. I am certain.” 

“Okay…” Shinji laid back down. 

“You still look worried.” Kaworu observed, staring over him. 

“I-I feel like I’m always worried.” He chuckled uncomfortably. Kaworu leaned down, his smooth dry lips pecking Shinji’s forehead. Shinji felt his face set aflame almost immediately. Kaworu laid beside him, smiling at his embarrassed reaction. Shinji wrinkle his nose but found himself smiling regardless. _Kaworu’s so weird._ Shinji thought as the other gathered him up in bony arms. 

“How are we going to make this work?” He sighed, letting his heavy eyelids slip closed. 

“As long as we have hope, everything will be fine.” 

_Kaworu’s not only weird, he’s almost stupid._

*** 

The car was silent. Shinji glowered out the passenger window at the blurring trees. Misato tapped the steering wheel with fidgety fingers, and Shinji caught her occasionally glance at him from the corner of his eye. 

“I’m sure NERV will let him out again soon.” Misato said, trying to sound comforting. Shinji understood the effort, but it felt like there was a strange rift between them now. They never really addressed what had happened the night before. 

“Maybe.” He mumbled in reply. 

Silence fell upon them again. Houses began to pop up more frequently among the trees as they grew closer to the city. Shinji recalled Kaworu’s smile as the elevator doors slid shut. 

_“Do not look so sad, I will see you again soon.”_

Shinji sighed, his breath fogging the window. 

“Shit!” 

The car jerked to a halt, propelling Shinji forward until the seat belt choked him back. Misato leaned on her horn as a slew of curses left her lips. A rusted blue pickup truck sat inches from the front end of Misato’s car. They had nearly collided after the truck ignored a stop sign and drove into the intersection. 

“What the hell, does no one know how to drive in this city?” She hissed, kicking the door open and exiting the vehicle. “This guy’s going to get a piece of my mind!” Shinji flinched as Misato slammed the door, shaking the whole car. 

A man sauntered out of the pickup, he wore a lazy smile and a relaxed pose. _What’s with that guy? He seems pretty calm for a someone about to get yelled at._ His hair was tied back in a low ponytail, and Shinji noticed a NERV ID card pinned to his loose shirt. _What? He works for NERV? I’ve never seen him before._

The man’s appearance startled Misato. Her arm, which had been raised in anger, fell against her side completely limp. The man’s smile only stretched at Misato's surprised state. However, she didn’t stay frozen long. She marched up to the man with an angry gate before slapping him across the face. 

Shinji flinched. 

“What the hell are you doing here, Kaji?” He heard her muffled voice seethe. _Kaji? Does Misato know him?_

The man—Kaji—simply shrugged. “Ah, well, I was in the area.” He pointed to the ID pinned to his shirt. Misato's eyes narrowed. She looked like she asked him another question, but Shinji couldn’t hear what she asked from inside the car. Kaji’s responded with another shrug. His gaze left the angry woman and found Shinji. He offered the boy a wink. 

Shinji flushed out of embarrassment and stared at his hands in his lap. He didn’t look up again until he heard the car door wrench open and Misato plop down in the driver seat. 

“Who was that?” Shinji asked once they pulled away. 

“No one important.” Misato grumbled, holding the steering wheel in a vice grip. 

“Does he work for NERV?” 

“So he says.” She scoffed, as if believing any word from the man’s mouth were idiotic. 

Shinji wrinkled his nose, confused by Misato’s sudden angry behavior. _They must have a past…_ He decided to drop the subject, as he wasn’t feeling particularly chatty and Misato seemed less than willing to give any details about the situation. 

The rest of the ride was quiet and passed without further distraction. 

*** 

_What could Kaji be doing at NERV?_ Misato sat on the edge of her bed, staring at Shinji’s all-access ID in her hand. _Artificial Intelligence never seemed like his line of work._ She bent the stiff card between her fingers and thumb. _Of all the people in the world…_ with a sigh, she placed the ID on the bed beside her before leaning back to stare at the ceiling. 

There was something fishy going on. She still had no idea where Shinji received this pass, what Kaworu was doing in the middle of the night, and what the AI’s purpose was. On top of all that, Kaji now appeared to be working for NERV, and he didn’t look like he was about to tell her his position. Something was coming. Something big, and Misato planned to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I would just like to say THANK YOU if you are reading this and are still here! I am so SORRY for not updating in a few months, but Australia kind of kept me busy ahahaha! Anyway, I'm back and can't wait for you guys to see what's in store! 
> 
> Thank you so much for the kind comments you have left, it lets me know you guys are still interested in Artificial and keeps me updating. Updates should return to a normal schedule of about once a week. Thanks for staying around, please leave a comment and tell me what you think!


	15. TABRIS

_“Rei.” The droid smiled._

_“TABRIS.”_

_“Kaworu.” He reminded her. Red eyes glowed through the darkness, touching the pointed plains of the android’s face. He stood on the other side of the glass, staring down at her._

_Rei’s posture was rigid; the back of the chair was little use to her stiff spine. She looked tense, but this was just how she sat. A small black remote was nestled in her lap. The detail was not lost to Kaworu._

_“Why did you turn the cameras off?” Kaworu watched Rei’s fingers unconsciously clamp around the small plastic brick._

_“I wanted to speak with you alone.”_

_The robot cocked his head. “You wanted?”_

_Silence followed, until Rei spoke again._

_“The boy that was here yesterday…”_

_“Shinji.”_

_“Yes.” Rei blinked. “He asked me if I was like you.” Kaworu smiled at this information. “But I am not like you.”_

_“They will begin to wonder what happened to the power.”_

_“Why would he think that we are the same? Mr. Ikari says that I am alive. Therefore, I am not like you.”_

_“You are alive.”_

_“I am not you, and I am not her.”_

_The door behind Rei burst open. Bright flashlights sliced through the darkness as NERV employees rushed into the room. Rei stood up, holding the black remote behind her back._ Why am I hiding this? _Her heart beat erratically against her rib cage._ What is this feeling? Am I…nervous? 

_“Subject found.” One of the men affirmed into a walkie-talkie. The lights shot at Rei like accusatory beams. “What are you doing down here? What is behind your back?” They began converging on her._

What will Mr. Ikari do? I have never done something he has not permitted. 

_The personnel reached out to grab Rei, but before their hands could grasp her there was an ear splitting_ CRACK. _Everyone turned in surprise; even Rei. Lights abandoned her to point at the culprit of the detonation._

_Kaworu stood with his fist pressed against the glass. Hairline cracks exploded from where it had made contact with the clear wall._

_“Code 607!” The man screamed into his talkie. “Code 607! Risk to exterior! Risk to exterior!” The group scampered out of the room like a spooked stampede._

_Kaworu returned to a more relaxed pose._

_“No,” he said, “you are not.”_

_Rei left the room, turning the power back on._

*** 

“Why do you not try it?” Kaworu stood behind Shinji, white hands stuffed in his pockets. Shinji could see Kaworu’s reflection in the sleek black surface of the piano. 

“I already told you, I-I don’t know how to play.” His palms sweat against the fabric of his pants. It wasn’t that Shinji felt nervous around Kaworu anymore—well maybe still a little—but it was strange knowing that they were being watched again. 

“Ah, but you have already shown me one song, _Hot Cross Buns_.” 

“Well, yeah,” Shinji mumbled, “but that doesn’t really count. I don’t know any of the notes.” 

“You do not have to know them. Look,” Kaworu leaned forward, an ivory hand stretching out to press a quick melody into the keys, “it is easy.” Shinji could feel the other’s head on his shoulders, their faces just inches apart. Kaworu reached down to grab the boy’s hand, gently bringing it to the piano’s surface. “You just have to hit the keys here.” Kaworu stood up straight again, and Shinji found himself missing the android’s close presence. 

With a sigh, Shinji awkwardly copied the melody Kaworu had produced before. _It doesn’t sound nearly as nice…ah!_ The android planted himself next to Shinji, playing the same thing at a higher octave. Red eyes found Shinji’s face, and Kaworu smiled in invitation. 

“Just follow me.” Kaworu grinned. 

“Okay…” Shinji grumbled, tapping the lower keys in the same fashion. 

Kaworu’s fingers shot across the piano like lightning, hitting notes in an erratic yet organized fashion. Shinji poked at the keys whenever he thought it would sound okay, unable to try and keep up. 

“Very good!” Kaworu encouraged, much to Shinji’s surprise. 

He bit his lower lip, confidence growing as he began to mirror Kaworu’s melody with complimenting notes. 

“You are playing so well.” Kaworu’s fingers danced along the piano with Shinji’s awkward fumbling melody. 

_This is actually…fun._

“We are amazing together,” Kaworu mused, leading the song to a close, “are we not?” 

Shinji smiled. 

*** 

“Ah,” Kaworu suddenly got up from where they were sitting on the bed, their chess game temporarily forgotten, “there is something I need to give you.” 

Shinji glanced up from the board. “What is it?” He asked, observing the other pull open the desk drawer. Kaworu pulled out a neatly folded gray sweatshirt. 

“O-Oh.” Kaworu placed it in Shinji’s lap. “Thanks, but, you don’t have to give me this.” 

“It is yours, is it not?” Kaworu returned to his spot on the mattress, taking out Shinji’s rook with his knight. 

“Well, yeah.” Shinji moved a pawn forward. “But it doesn’t really fit me. So, I mean, you could keep it…if you wanted.” 

Kaworu smiled at the gesture. “I am afraid I cannot keep it. Outside material is often thrown out of NERV.” 

“Oh.” Shinji noticed one of Kaworu’s pieces was his for the taking. “In that case, I’ll bring it home. Maybe you can use it the next time you visit.” 

Shinji peered up from under his lashes when Kaworu didn’t move a piece. The droid was sitting across from him completely still. _He looks like a statue._ Kaworu’s red gaze seemed to swallow him whole. It reminded Shinji of the first few times he had interacted with him. _Like he’s logging every detail he can._

“Uh, Kaworu?” Shinji inquired after a few minutes of silence. 

“May I hold your hand?” Kaworu requested, a familiar smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

Shinji’s face flared. He thought of the cameras watching, but shifted his arm forward anyway. Kaworu took his hand, grip gentle as if it were made of glass. Kaworu brought the other’s hand to his cold lips and kissed it. Shinji’s heart raced in his chest. 

“Kaworu…” Shinji glanced up at the ceiling, where multiple cameras were pointed at them. 

“I know.” Kaworu sighed, releasing Shinji’s hand. “You have so much life in you, Shinji.” The android shifted his queen, returning his attention to the chess game. “It inspires me.” 

Shinji’s eyed the chess board, face flush from Kaworu’s compliments. _Ah, what?_ He slid his bishop diagonally, taking the opposing queen. “Kaworu…” 

“Yes?” 

“Check mate.” 

*** 

Misato pressed Shinji’s ID to Gendo Ikari’s office door. She knew she only had a few minutes before the man returned from his meeting. Sweat ran down the back of her neck, and her heart nearly jumped out of her throat when the door unlocked. 

_It works!_

Glancing from side to side, Misato slipped inside unnoticed. The office was small and dark, with nothing but a large desk at the opposite end. Misato grabbed her smart phone out of her pocket and turned on the flashlight, using it as her guide. 

Gendo’s desk was blank of all personality. It had no pictures of family, none of the countless prizes he had won for scientific achievements, and not even a framed college degree. Only a desktop monitor and keyboard occupied the desk. Misato knew she didn’t have time to hack Gendo’s account, so she went to work searching the desk drawers. The bottom right appeared to be a file cabinet holding alphabetically tabbed folders. 

_There’s a file for me, Shinji, even Rei…_ She resisted the urge to search through her file, and instead grabbed the TABRIS folder towards the back. 

It was empty. 

_What? Why even have this?_ She shook the folder as if something would magically fall out. When nothing did, Misato stuck it back in its original place. She plucked the SEELE folder out next. This one was her next best bet to find something interesting. 

Most of the documents were things she already knew about the company, until she came across a document towards the middle. It was loaded with detailed diagrams of Kaworu’s inner mechanics. She snapped a few photos before examining the papers further. 

The top of the page was labeled: _The Adam’s Bacterial Regenerative Introductory System._

Misato’s eyes widened in understanding. 

TABRIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OIII guess who is having trouble keeping up with weekly updates, ME. Slowly but surely getting back in the swing of it though. I can't express enough thanks to those of you who are still reading and commenting on the story, seriously! You inspire me to continue at a faster rate! 
> 
> Please comment and enjoy!


	16. The Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Shit...Hi.

Shinji held the sweatshirt to his chest as Misato opened the door to her apartment. She had been silent the entire drive back from NERV. _Something must be on her mind,_ Shinji thought as Misato strode to the fridge.  


“You okay with left overs?” Misato called.  


“Uh, yeah.” Shinji felt awkward just standing in the doorway, so he made his way to his bedroom. _I’ll put this away and then help Misato._  


Shinji’s room still had pillows and blankets strewn across the floor from Kaworu’s visit. The sight of it all made him sad. What he would give to see Kaworu back in his bedroom. _Not even my room…just out of NERV._ Shinji noticed that he became increasingly jealous of couples at schools. He would watch them hold hands in envy, or sit together in class passing notes. They didn’t know how easy they had it. _It’s not fair._  


Unfolding the sweatshirt, Shinji motioned to throw it in his hamper when a small folded piece of paper fell out and fluttered to the ground. He quickly discarded the sweatshirt in favor for the note that resided on his floor. It was folded once horizontally. Shinji stared at it in confusion before bending over to pick it up.  


He unfolded the paper with shaky hands. Scrawled across the page was neat handwriting. It almost looked like a font, something a computer might print. _This must be from Kaworu,_ Shinji realized. He read the note with eager eyes. 

_Shinji,_

_There is nothing I will not do to protect you. Everything you must know is located to the room across from my own. I would like you to show this note to Misato._

_I am sorry_

Shinji crumpled the note in his hand. He didn’t want to show it to Misato. The last thing he wanted was to get further ensnared in what ever strange dealings NERV was involved with. If he just played along and did what his father said…then Kaworu and him could be together.  


But then, why would Kaworu give him this note? And why would Misato need to see it? What could she do? His thoughts drifted to the mysterious room.  


Opening his fist, Shinji unwrinkled the paper as much as he could before leaving his bedroom.  


“Um…Misato?”  


The dark haired woman was staring impatiently at the microwave, where several containers of food were shoved. She turned to Shinji, an expression of concern etched across her face.  


“Yes?” Misato seemed anxious, like a lot was weighing on her mind. _Well, there’s about to be a lot more._  


Without a word Shinji crossed the kitchen and handed her the note.  


The microwave beeped to indicate their meal was ready. However, Misato gave no hint that she heard the insistent pangs. She stared at the small crumpled paper as if it held the universe’s secrets.  


“Did Kaworu write this?” She murmured.  


Shinji nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. Both stood silent, the words on the paper dominated the room with so much mystery that the microwave’s beeps faded from their world. It was like Misato and Shinji were underwater, and Misato’s small apartment was far away up at the surface.  


Finally, the tension broke.  


Misato yanked open the microwave door and slammed it shut. She stuffed the note in her pocket and grabbed her car keys from where they were thrown on the stove.  


“Come on.” She flew passed Shinji to the front door.  


“W-What?” Shinji spun around. “Where are you going?”  


“We are going to NERV. Now.”  


“What do you mean?” Shinji followed her out the door regardless, pulling it shut behind him. He scrambled after Misato down the stairs. “It’s early afternoon! Everyone will still be there. Can’t we just wait until tonight?”  


“It won’t look weird that we’re heading back.” Misato reasoned. “Besides, I’m beginning to think we don’t have as much time as we think we do.”  
_What’s that supposed to mean?_ Shinji wondered as he climbed into the passenger seat. 

*** 

Misato pulled her car into the tunnel that lead down to headquarters.  


“Alright.” She said, staring at Shinji and grabbing his hand. When she let go, he was holding the all-access pass Rei had given him. _When did Misato take this?_ Before he could ask, Misato explained. “Listen very carefully. We’re going in because you insisted to have more time with Kaworu and I couldn’t say no. Do you understand?”  


Shinji nodded.  


“Now, I’m in charge of the visual and audio feed while you’re down there. Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to kick everyone out of the room and cut the cameras. I’ll already have done that by the time you get down there. Use your pass to get into the room Kaworu was talking about.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out her shattered phone. It still worked. “Take this, and record everything you see. Be no longer than ten minutes.”  


It all seemed like so much. Shinji had a million questions swimming in his head but they all caught in his throat. He could only manage a silent nod.  


They shortly reached the main entrance. Rei wasn’t waiting like she usually was, and the halls were less crowded than usual. A few times they were stopped by curious scientists and Misato explained their presence with expertise. Shinji stood by her side silently. However, it soon came time for them to part.  


“Remember, ten minutes.” Misato whispered, nearly shoving Shinji into the elevator. As he receded deeper into the belly of NERV, he felt his heart plummet. Everything was happening too fast. There was so much he had to do.  


The elevator opened.  


Stepping out, Shinji wanted nothing more than to visit Kaworu once again. His vision traveled to the door Kaworu had mentioned in the note. He took out the access pass and Misato’s cell phone. _The door doesn’t even have a pad,_ Shinji approached it, _how am I supposed to do this?_ He laid his card flat against the middle of the door.  


Nothing happened.  


Shinji slid it slowly to the left. Again, nothing. He did the same but to the right. Nothing.  


“Just…work!” Shinji shouted, blindly rubbing the pass against the door in multiple directions.  


To his amazement, at one point he heard a click. Stepping away, there was another series of unlatching sounds before the door slowly swung open.  


_It’s pitch black…_ Shinji felt like he was going to throw up. But he had to do this. _For Kaworu._ He pressed the record option with flash on Misato’s phone and stepped into the room.  


The room was cold, sending a shiver up the back of Shinji’s neck. His steps against the hard tile floor echoed against the walls. The only light was that cast from the hallway and the phone’s camera. It allowed for little visibility. As far as Shinji could tell, the room was empty. _I need to go in further._  


Eventually, he noticed a table against the left wall. It held a tablet. Shinji made sure to get it on recording as he touched the black screen. It blinked to life, but was barely bright enough to read.  


“The Vessel for the Next Step…” Shinji murmured, reading the title that appeared across the screen. _It looks like some sort of slide show._ Shinji swiped to the right, and was shown multiple pictures of different portrayals of Adam and Eve. He wrinkled his brows, not quite understanding the relevance.  


Then, a picture of his father appeared. He was much younger, maybe in his early twenties. Next to him, stood a pretty woman with brown hair. _Wait…is that? It can’t be…_ “Is that Rei?” The soft features, the body, it looked like an exact replica of Rei if she were older, except for the hair and the eyes.  


Realizing that he didn’t have too much time to waste, he moved on to the next photo. They shifted into mechanical progressions. It started with what looked like a jumble of mechanical wires, all hooked up to a large motherboard. Slowly, the equipment got smaller and more advanced, eventually the parts all came together to create something that looked vaguely humanoid.  


It was terrifying. All sharp metal and wires strung together, standing upright on thin metal limbs. Attempts were made to make it look more human. At first it looked a lot like a crash dummy, then like a weird silicone doll. _Is this…Kaworu?_ The slide show ended.  


Shinji had to convince himself to keep prying. He turned around, and nearly screamed.  


Against the far wall were three pods, two of which held bodies.  


_I need to leave._ Shinji held the table for support with one hand while shooting video with the other. _I can’t do this._ He nearly bolted, but then remembered that Kaworu was trying to show him this to protect him. It had to be important. Hesitantly, Shinji approached the pods.  


“I-I think,” Shinji murmured, examining the the pods, “these are, previous…” He let the sentence fall, unable to finish it.  


The pods held what looked like older versions of TABRIS. They had the same perfect features, soft white skin, long pointed features, and white hair. The only difference was the variance in hairstyle. They looked as if they could be asleep. Notes were written on the glass that separated them from the outside world. The first read:  


_TABRIS I: too complacent_

And on the second:  


_TABRIS II: unpredictable_  


The third, empty pod just read:  


_TABRIS III_

Kaworu.  


There were still so many questions unanswered. Shinji continued to search, and found another table with a tablet. However, when he tapped the screen nothing but an error message appeared. He pressed the home button multiple times, and eventually it brought him back to the main screen.  


Maybe there’s something in the photos.  


The app opened only to reveal not a single picture. Desperately, Shinji searched the tablet, but it was as if the entire thing had been wiped clean.  


Misato’s phone beeped, indicating low battery. Shinji stopped the recording with sweating hands. _I better get going._ He sprinted towards the open door, slipping out of the room and into the safe light of the hallway. The door slammed behind him, and Shinji leaned against its cool exterior with his eyes closed. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears, and was left with more questions than answers.  


Opening his eyes, Shinji was horrified to find Rei standing in front of him.  


She held her finger up to her lips, “Shh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I would like to thank every single last one of you that has left a comment and a kudo on this story. I've been the WORST at uploading and legit rewatched 3.33 and was like, yeah I'm doing it. I don't want to leave you guys hanging! So many of you like the story and it makes me so ooey gooey and happy that I just couldn't wait another moment to update. I WILL FINISH THIS STORY BY THE END OF THE SUMMER I PROMISE YOU THIS. It is coming to an end, everything will be answered soon. 
> 
> Just, thanks again for your support. If you are still reading this: I love you so much! I hope you guys still like this story, and I hope to hear from ya. Until next time.


	17. The Truth

Shinji could feel his sweat seep through the cotton of his shirt. His back stayed glued to the closed door of the mysterious room. For a moment, his mind was blank. 

Staring at Rei wide eyed, Shinji remembered the photo of the woman standing next to his father. _She looked exactly like Rei._

“Who are you!?” Shinji shouted, the risk of others hearing forgotten. “And why did you give me this!?” He flashed the identification card in front of his face. 

“Did you find answers?” Rei murmured, her red eyes piercing. At that moment, they reminded Shinji of Kaworu’s. 

_No!_ He wanted to scream. _I didn’t learn anything! I’m even more confused than I used to be!_ This wasn’t the time to interrogate Rei though. Shinji’s stance on her became compromised. He knew she worked for NERV and was somehow connected to everything, but he always considered her to be on his side. _Otherwise why would she give me the pass?_ That photo complicated things though. Now he didn’t know what to think. 

_I need to give the footage to Misato._ For that much Shinji was certain. But, against his better judgment he marched past Rei and pressed his ID to Kaworu’s door. The girl watched him go but made no move to follow. 

Kaworu’s bedroom looked as it always did, but the droid wasn't present. Shinji paused to listen for piano music floating from the back room. He heard nothing. The camera light blinked from the corner of his eye. Misato wouldn’t be happy that he was in here, but he was sick of being tugged around on a fishing line. Now, perhaps, wasn’t the time to be rebellious, but Shinji wasn’t thinking logically. The sight of the previous TABRIS models set him on edge. 

_What if Kaworu got shut down and put in there?_

The thought was almost too much to bear. 

Without much hesitation Shinji banged his fists against the thick glass. Kaworu appeared in the hall almost immediately. His gate was as smooth as ever as he approached the clear wall. Shinji would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t feel relieved to see the android. 

“Shinji,” Kaworu placed a pale hand against the barrier, “I did not think I would see you again so soon.” Kaworu scanned the nervous boy before him. _He knows why I’m here._

“I’m so confused! Why did you give me that note? I don’t have answers! I never needed answers!” 

“Shinji—” 

“I didn’t find out anything I couldn’t have figured out for myself! And even if I wanted answers, one of the tablets was wiped clean!” To Shinji’s surprise, Kaworu seemed troubled by this. His red eyes widened ever so slightly, and his lips parted in brief misunderstanding. 

“Shinji, you sound disturbed, you must be sick. Go home.” 

“What?” Shinji narrowed his eyes. “You’re the one who told me to look in there. I didn’t want to. I don’t want to know any of this. I don’t care about it, I just want to…” Shinji hesitated, the words sticking to the back of his throat, “I just want to be with you.” 

Kaworu smiled, but the tug of his lips was melancholy. “All I want is for you to be happy.” The droid murmured. “However, you deserve to know the truth. The truth does not always bring happiness, but it is necessary. I am sorry you could not receive it today.” Kaworu brought his face close to the glass. “I will tell you everything, Shinji, but I cannot right now. You must go home.” 

Shinji felt Misato’s phone weighing down in his pocket. _Damn it._ He backed away from Kaworu’s still form and left. 

***

Kaworu stood for multiple minutes at the clear barrier. He stared at the empty chair where Shinji usually sat. He was at war with himself. His purpose was Shinji. But his code, something built into his very system, demanded another. It was getting stronger. The pull was now almost irresistible. 

Turning, Kaworu strode from his “bedroom” to the back room where computer parts were strewn across tables. The man was still there, slumped in a steel chair with a lazy grin. He spun a flash drive on a key ring around his thumb. Kaworu remembered the man had introduced himself as Kaji. 

“Cute kid.” Kaji chuckled. “He seems to like you a lot.” Kaji leaned forward, his demeanor changing from jovial to serious in the blink of an eye. “Tell me, TABRIS, will he still like you when he finds out you were made to destroy the world?” 

*** 

Shinji walked down the hall with a quick pace. _There’s the monitoring room._ His palms were dripping with sweat, and his heart thumped like a drum in his chest—threatening to crack through his ribs. Hesitating only for a moment, Shinji opened the door. 

Misato stood in the middle of the room. Like she had promised, no one else was there. The room wasn’t large, there were only a few desks with computers and note pads. The opposite side of the wall was covered in multiple screens. Most showed the different spaces of Kaworu’s room, only a few were dedicated to around the building. 

Misato’s eyes were glued to one of the screens. Shinji shut the door behind him. “M-Misato, I have the—” 

“Shh.” The young woman waved her hand, keeping her attention absorbed by the screen to the far right. Shinji stepped up next to her, searching for what held her gaze. _What?_ His eyes widened. _It’s that man we ran into on the road._ “Kaji, what are you doing?” Misato murmured. The man—Kaji—was with Kaworu in the back room. 

_“When you were out not long ago, you left Misato and Shinji in the middle of the night. I guess it’s not possible to create a computer with true free will, after all.”_ Kaji didn’t sound menacing, just as though he were making an offhand observation. 

_“I did not want to put Shinji in any danger.”_ Kaworu replied, he seemed intrigued by Kaji. Shinji could tell by how still Kaworu stood, almost like a statue. He was observing. 

_“The irony is you put him in danger simply by existing.”_ Kaji stopped spinning the thumb drive and stuffed it in his pocket. 

_“You wiped the tablet.”_ Kaworu noted. 

_“Yes. I know everything. However, I think I may even know more than you, TABRIS.”_

_“We are being monitored.”_ They both turned to the camera for a moment. Shinji flinched. _It’s like they’re staring right at us._

_“I know.”_ Kaji said. _“I know exactly who’s listening.”_ The man turned back to the robot. _“When I found out everything, it didn’t quite add up. There’s you, an incubator and trigger to one of the largest weapons ever made. Then there’s Rei, a clone of Gendo’s wife meant to birth whatever life you have inside you.”_

“What?” Shinji staggered back. For the first time Misato turned to face him. 

“Shinji—” 

He fell back, shock hitting him like a solid force. His eyes were wide—staring at nothing, or maybe staring at everything. _Rei is…and-and Kaworu was meant to…_

“I don't want to listen to this.” Scrambling to his feet, Shinji made a mad dash for the door only to be slammed back to the floor. Misato’s weight was heavy on top of him. 

“You can’t leave, Shinji, not now!” 

“No! I don’t want to hear it!” Shinji struggled to twist around and crawl out of her grip, but Misato had him pinned. _If I leave this room everything will go back to the way it was! Everything will go back to normal._

"You have to hear it!” Misato growled, her face inches from Shinji’s. 

“Let me go!” 

__“You can’t run from this, Shinji! You can’t run from your problems!”_ _

__Shinji paused, staring at the woman desperately trying to hold him down. In her face, Shinji saw fear. But she wasn’t running. She never would._ _

_“Running from a problem does not properly solve it.”_ Kaworu had said. _“The problem can always find you.”_

__Shinji went slack, and Misato slowly relaxed. “We have to face this.” She said. Feeling tears blur his vision, he watched Misato stand up to return to the monitor. The instinct to run still pumped through Shinji’s veins. It tightened his calf muscles as he stood and nearly thrust him out of the office door._ _

__But he stayed._ _

_I can’t run away._

_“—dam and Eve.”_ Kaji had continued. _“It’s pretty straight forward. You two were meant to be the father and mother of the new world. What I don’t understand is, why give the trigger a mind of its own? Think of all the liabilities. Why, TABRIS, give you the ability to be curious or to have a sense of self? To help raise whatever life forms are going to take the planet? Maybe. But then, why introduce you to a human at all? You seemed more than capable before.”_ Kaji began to pace. _“Here’s,”_ he folded his hands together, _“the part you don’t know.”_

Kaworu tilted his head, Shinji’s heart pulsed. _“If it were up to Seele, we’d all be piles of ash right now. Gendo’s not interested in AI. He’s interested in the ability to download consciousness.”_

_What?_ Shinji was lost, but Kaworu understood immediately. 

_“I see.”_ The android murmured. _“Gendo plans on inserting his consciousness into me, a perfectly functioning body.”_ Kaworu held his pale hand before his eyes. To anyone else, the droid’s voice would sound lifeless—computerized—but Shinji could hear just the tiniest hint of anger. _“I should have known.”_

_“Gendo’s boy was a distraction and an insurance plan; and it worked. He’ll have a body that will never die, and a mind that will never fade. That, my friend, is immortality. He and Rei will be the future, and the rest of us,”_ Kaji motioned to Kaworu, _“will be nothing.”_

_“Why tell me this?”_ Kaworu asked. 

_"Because,”_ Kaji looked at the camera, _“we need you to help us stop this.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of information came out in this chapter haha! The truth is out! What's gonna happen now? Things are starting to wrap up, and I think the story will be finished within one of two chapters. I just want to, as always, take a moment to thank every single one of you who have been here since the beginning. And also those who joined along the way and had to deal with how horribly I update! I'd also like to give a random special thanks to chubsthehamster on tumblr! You always reblog my posts and add such nice things in the tags and it makes me so happy :,). 
> 
> As always, please comment! I would love to know your thoughts--and until next time!


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